Javaris Crittenton is a consummate professional, oh, and a murderer.

Javaris Crittenton never had a chance to establish a reputation in the NBA before he became notorious. He was the other, seemingly insignificant half in one of the most embarassing incidents the Wizards franchise has had to face. Crittenton was an injured, undistinguished player buried on the Wizards’ bench when he got caught up in the infamous locker-room gun incident with Gilbert Arenas in December 2009 — a situation that led to both players getting...

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Hey Ya'll...I wanna teach and stuff like that.

In a recent interview, everyone's favorite trailer park millionaire sex symbol, Britney Spears, talked about the things she would've done with her life had she not sold her soul to the devil for fame and fortune:“Career-wise I’d probably be a teacher,” Britney, 29, tells PopJustice.com. “I love kids and even in what I do now one of my favorite parts of my day is getting to meet my fans before the show. Especially the little ones. They are always...

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Republicans, blame yourselves.

The Daily ShowGet More: Daily Show Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,The Daily Show on FacebookAs the election of 2012 approaches, I sit scratching my head in bewilderment. I don't have a problem with Barack Obama. I loathe his policies, but to be honest, he's behaving and governing just as he has with every office he's held up to this point. Doing what he said he was going to do, albeit detrimental and devastating to this country and economy, is more than I can say for George W Bush and countless other Republicans who ran on limiting...

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I love to witness the demise of people who neglect children.

First, let me say a thank you to Ashley who sent this gem of a video to me. There are so many things that make this video spectacular. I love how excited these people are to be getting these tickets. They all seem to have found the money to come to the stadium and pay for 8.00 soft drinks, but when it comes to extra money for their children, well, they're just too broke. Kudos to the Lee County Sheriff's Office. Ingenuity like this should be rewarded. It seems police officers just spend a lot of time driving around talking on their cell phones...

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Marissa Miller is gross.

Not only am I ridiculously in love with this supermodel, but now Im jealous of her father's abs. My God, can a guy catch a break around here. Just one or the other...I'm secretly hoping for the supermodel paddle surfing in 4" heels, but if you think the abs are a better fit, you know more than I. Am...

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George Clooney and this/his Italian Villa win....BIG TIME.

Krista Allen (2002-04)Elisabetta Canalis (2009-2011)Stacey Keibler (2011- )I guess like 40 years ago George Clooney was desirable, but this is 2011. Unless you're living at the Playboy Mansion, total hip replacements, gray hair and yellow teeth probably don't do it for you. That said, Clooney keeps fooling gorgeous women. You see, thousands of years ago, when men earned their mates based on attractiveness, overall health, and competitive battles,...

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There are certainly worse problems, one would think.

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Cirque du Soleil for strippers

There's exotic dancing and there's this. There's no way this girl is anything but a Pole Dancing Fitness instructor that spends endless hours working on her CORE. I could live my entire life for the next three years doing P90X 15 hours a day and there's no way I could get the strength to do the things this girl does in one terrible URSHER song. If competitive cheerleading is "considered a sport", then how can this n...

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