Lose some weight.

Look, I've heard precious is a good movie or whatever, but the chances of me sitting in a crowded movie theater for two hours watching this tub of lard recite lines while making tons of money doing it, is almost nill. Wtf is wrong with our country? We're so politically correct that we lie to ourselves and others by saying things like this sea donkey is beautiful. Let's be honest, nothing is beautiful about a 44 BMI. Nothing. If bedding this monster was imminent, I would do a cyanide whippet and if that didn't do the trick, I'd just cut my penis off because anything would be better than waking up next to this.

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Dear Lord I love Brazil.

These are two test pictures of Alessandra Ambrosio. What's so damn inspiring about these pics is that she isn't trying at all, she has not one ounce of makeup on, and she still succeeded to ignite my underpants. If you're girlfriend is this hot, close your comic book, turn off Warcraft, because this isn't your girlfriend. This chick has no career path except modeling. In fact, in gradeschool, if she ever took one of those tests that predict what you'll be when you grow up, I bet hers said,
"(1)Supermodel,(2)Female Arch Nemesis,(3)Potential Marriage Assassin,(4)Cause for blindness in teenage boys." I honestly wouldn't care if she could hardly speak, much less balance a checkbook. I would steal from the Vatican to keep her showering in my bathroom. If she's not the most beautiful person in the world, you better kill me now because my heart can't take anymore.

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Just give me some space...

Abigail Clancy is a 5'9" British goddess. Being a girl this hot in a world full of guys as obsessively sex starved ad thirsty as we must be better than being born a princess in a Disney movie. I bet she hasn't heard the word no in like 15 years, except for last Tuesday when she called on the blower feeling randy and wanted a wee bit of "how's your father." I'm tired of being used as a sex object. It's getting quite old in fact. I've gotten my leg over so many times with Abbey, it's becoming to be like an old dog. You still enjoy it from time to time and you don't want it to go away, although it sure doesn't do any of the fun stuff that it used to do. Anyway, these days it seems Abbey, that slapper, is fancying some daft footballer that looks like he's from Sudan. Don't cry for me Argentina, I'll be home riding some Brazilian or German consolation prize...it's my curse.

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Miep Gies 1909-2010

Miep Gies, who ensured the diary of Anne Frank did not fall into the hands of Nazis after the teen's arrest, has died. She was 100.

Gies was among a team of Dutch citizens who hid the Frank family of four and four others in a secret annex in Amsterdam, Netherlands, during World War II, according to her official Web site, which announced her death Monday. She worked as a secretary for Anne Frank's father, Otto, in the front side of the same Prinsengracht building.

The family stayed in the secret room from July 1942 until August 4, 1944, when they were arrested by Gestapo and Dutch police after being betrayed by an informant. Two of Gies' team were arrested that day, but she and her friend, Bep Voskuijl, were left behind -- and found 14-year-old Anne's papers.

"And there Bep and I saw Anne's diary papers lying on the floor. I said, 'Pick them up!' Bep stood there staring, frozen. I said, 'Pick them up! Pick them up!' We were afraid, but we did out best to collect all the papers," Gies said in a 1998 interview with The Anne Frank House in Amsterdam.

"Then we went downstairs. And there we stood, Bep and I. I asked, 'What now, Bep?' She answered, 'You're the oldest. You hold on to them. So I did."

"I didn't read Anne's diary papers. ... It's a good thing I didn't because if I had read them I would have had to burn them," she said in the 1998 interview. "Some of the information in them was dangerous."

The diary was sheltered in Gies' desk drawer and later turned over to Otto Frank when he returned after the war as the only surviving resident of the annex. Anne died at northern Germany's Bergen-Belsen concentration camp in 1945.

Despite the legendary hardship she endured during the German occupation, Gies never embraced the label of a hero.

"More than 20,000 Dutch people helped to hide Jews and others in need of hiding during those years. I willingly did what I could to help. My husband did as well. It was not enough," she says in the prologue of her memoirs, "Anne Frank Remembered: The Story of the Woman Who Helped to Hide the Frank Family."

"There is nothing special about me. I have never wanted special attention. I was only willing to do what was asked of me and what seemed necessary at the time."

Gies' husband, Jan, whom she married in 1941, died in 1993. The couple had a son together.

Miep Gies, is a hero despite how she wanted to be remembered. This is one of the most inspiring women you will ever encounter. This story is the epitome of heroism and goodness during a time when the world was being blanketed with a miasma of evil and genocide. Miep Gies' human spirit shines as a beacon for the others lost or trapped in hopelessness and tragedy. It's a shame that this amazing woman's life wasn't celebrated by the news media. Instead, I got an update on Tiger's penis spelunking and Harry Reid's incendiary comments regarding our President and his degree of melanin concentration. That's the problem with our world. Selfishness has created a portal to a world swept clean of any moral compass. To think a family or a group of familes, risking certain death, would conspire to hide Jewish families in their own homes during the Holocaust is beyond comprehension. A thousand lifetimes of courage and morality died with Miep Gies. She will forever be known as a hero.

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Nothing surprises me anymore.

The women who belong to Atlanta’s Gamma Gamma Chi sorority volunteer and participate in fund-raising activities across the metro area. They hang out and go to restaurants, movies, museums and cultural exhibits in town.

But the sisters won’t participate in some stereotypical components of Greek life — no drinking, partying or hooking up with men.

That’s because Gamma Gamma Chi Sorority Inc. is the country’s first Islamic-based sorority.

So let me see if I get this...

Sex-------->NO
Drinking--->NO
Partying--->NO

Bombs in Underwear------------------------------------>YES
Flying planes into building and killing thousands--------->YES
Behead US Military on video and post on Al Jazeera----->YES

This makes perfect sense...where do I sign up?

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Los Angeles Jaguars?

Maybe I'm alone in this, but this weekend captivated me in regard to the NFL. Dallas puts a second smackdown on the overrated Eagles. A team that only beat one team with a winning record (Falcons without Ryan). Romo's monkey is off his back... for now at least. Also, Kurt Warner put on a clinic at the QB position. He had more touchdowns than incomplete passes and near perfect QB rating and he still almost lost. Green Bay have themselves a franchise QB that is young and great. Of all the teams left in the NFC, there are a list of superstar QB's left:

Romo
Warner
Brees
Farve

If that list bad asses can't sell TV ads, nothing can. Speaking of selling things...Jacksonville can't. They can't sell tickets because it's simply not an NFL town. They also have a horrendous product on the field. The front office have consistently taken the draft picks, covered their eyes with blindfolds, and picked wildly. They have a huge stadium they can't fill despite covering seats, except for the last Saturday in October, then it's standing room only with all seats open(GA/FL NCAA). It has been known by everyone with a clue that Jax cannot keep that team. Los Angeles is building a huge stadium, and with absolute certainty, will steal this team away from the apathetic Jaguar fans. It's so sad, most fans people of Jacksonville won't even realize. This is where the story gets ironic though. Since the resignation of Pete Carroll, there seems to be an open position in Southern California. Since Jack Del Rio probably won't keep his job and even if he does, he will almost certainly jump at the chance to coach his Alma mater in his home state. After all, I'd rather be homeless in Southern California than be the head coach for the Jacksonville Jaguars. USC has fielded at least two teams in the last decade that had more talent than the teams the JAGS front office has drafted. Del Rio would be a fool to pass this up and trust me, he won't.

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Marlboros, Meth, and Michelob anyone?

Flights out of Jacksonville deliver such dramatic and unforseen entertainment. Seeing indigenous Floridians in their natural light habitat can be so rewarding. Just sit back and enjoy your flight.


Old Lady Goes Crazy During Landing - Watch more Funny Videos

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