Salma Hayek has a great smile...

This Mexican beauty has been making me dizzy since her role in From Dusk Till Dawn and that was like a hundred years ago at least. When she's not allowing billionaires to pull out so she can get knocked up and get paid, she's working red carpets, and working them well. Between her and Sofia Vergara's breasts, it's all I can do to not flip a coin right now and call Delta Airlines.

Heads-->Bogota, Columbia

Tails---> Mexico City, Mexico

Read More

This means almost nothing...

Various sources are reporting, especially with this picture, that Jessica Simpson is preggers. That's just what we need, another 4'11" chubby addition to the creepy, incredibly stupid Simpson clan. I have my doubts though, even with this picture. The way this chick's weight fluctuates as she competitively eats, this could be just her leaving a light lunch at Chateau Marmont.

Read More

Solicitation in the pumpkin patch.

DD implants, for Courtney Stodden are like hooker training wheels. Being this trashy by the tender age of 17 is an amazing feat. Trying to convince me that this wax looking augmented tramp is 17, is even more amazing. As bat shit crazy as this chick is, imagine how twisted her parents are to either agree to let their daughter dress like this, act like this, and marry the creepy A-Hole from the Green Mile, or agree to conjure up this ridiculous story in exchange for a little tabloid fodder. You have to be the lowest of low to sell your children out, especially when that price is becoming a whore in the front of the world. Regardless, I'm fascinated by this train wreck. She looks hideous. She makes the expressions to the camera during interviews like she's constantly having orgasms, which I guess could be awesome if it were Heidi Klum, but instead, it's a House of Wax caricature of a normal blonde girl. Well, Green Mile and Courtney were photographed by the paparazzi paid someone to photograph them while they were at the pumpkin patch. As you probably know, you can openly murder babies while smoking crack in California and it wouldn't be frowned upon, so that should give you some barometer of how ridiculous their behavior was during this pumpkin hunting in order to be kicked out. Well Radar Online reports this story and then Courtney responded on her Twitter, which if you want to be entertained, I suggest you follow her because it's pure and simple magic.

Throwing in the line from John the Apostle is like the icing on the proverbial cake...and I dont mean cake...or icing.

Onlookers also complained that Courtney — wearing Daisy Dukes and a plaid shirt tied to show off her flat belly — was not dressed appropriately for the patch. After Courtney, 17, and Doug, 51, were 86’ed from the patch, they went to a nearby area where Courtney struck some sexy poses for the camera.
Courtney presumably referred to the incident on her Twitter page, writing: “Have a beautifully blessed Sunday! :) “Do not judge by appearances, but judge with right judgment.” John 7:24″

Read More

Lindsay Lohan is a natural beauty.

It's funny, but during times of economic expansion, zombie movies boom while conversely, in times of economic peril, world or government unrest and conflict vampire movies have a resurgence. This isn't my theory, this is factual. I think Lindsay is lost in meth land somewhere between the two because she's pale enough to be a vampire, yet scary enough to be a zombie. Irrespective of how hot this chick once was, she's one more stupid judge letting her off from OD'ing. I mean, it's almost inevitable at this point. She's like a walking Meth Makeover billboard. This chick was one of the hottest redheads in years and now she looks like a less sober Amy Winehouse. I'm not one for hyperbole, but honestly, I'd rather put my penis inside an electric pencil sharpener than Lindsay Lohan. I you're anything like me, you're one with the entertainment industry and are asked to screen culturally important films like, Teeth. If you don't know, which you probably don't, Teeth is about a young woman with a flesh eating vagina. It's as good as you would expect---translation---AMAZING! But that's not the point. The point is that Lindsay Lohan's vagina probably doesn't have teeth, but what it does have will make you wish your penis would get chewed off.

Read More

The good news is, she may have given up alcohol, pot, X, heroin, Rx Pills, LSD, shrooms, and last but not least cocaine...for chipped, discolored, meth pebble-teeth.

Having sexy with the Lindsay Lohan would be like having sex with a walking Intervention episode, if it had AIDS.  Even in Hollyweird, where epic meltdowns and drug addiction are like buying Tic Tacs, this seems worst than most.  She's aging faster than the speed of sound, and the thing, well the two things that made her great, seem very depressed.  Damn, this chick is a wreck.  She's like our generation's version of that Dana Plato chick from Different Strokes.  When I saw this picture though, I breather such a heavy sigh of relief.  I think it's pretty obvious she's righting the ship now though, you know, with the meth teeth and open sores and all.  Cause, you know, when I think of success and life turn arounds, I think meth habits.  Way to go Linds....I knew you'd do it! 

Read More

Florida strikes again...no shocker here.

FORT LAUDERDALE — A Coconut Creek man accused of posing as a doctor and offering free door-to-door breast exams has reached a deal with prosecutors, lawyers told a Broward judge on Tuesday.

Phillip Winikoff, 81, was accused in April 2006 of carrying on the ruse with women at an apartment complex in the 3200 block of Northwest 40 Street in Lauderdale Lakes. Investigators said two women took Winikoff up on the offer, allowed him into their apartments and realized something was amiss only after the exams started.

Winikoff was charged with three counts of sexual battery, two counts of practicing medicine without a license, two counts of simple battery, and one count of using the title of doctor without a license.

If tried and convicted, he could have been sentenced to more than 45 years in prison for the sexual battery charges and another 10 years for practicing medicine without a license.

At the time of Winikoff's arrest, the Broward Sheriff's Office said he carried a little black bag to lend credibility to his claim of being a doctor. The first victim, 36 at the time, told detectives he started the exam by fondling her breasts, and she knew something was wrong when his hands wandered elsewhere.

By the time the victim called 911, Winikoff had already found a second victim, the sheriff's office said.

I've got a lot of comments about this story.  First, holy shit, this guy is fast.  He's 81 and found another victim by the time the cops arrived.  Either this guy is one efficient pseudo-physician, or the second victim is a skankwhore looking for a little game of in-out, if you know what I mean.  When you're 81 and the women only suspect something is up when a stranger's hand wanders elsewhere during the exam.  WTF?  This should hardly even be a crime.  If these women are dumb enough to let a strange man in their home to feel their breasts, they almost get what they deserve.  I don't care if he was scrubbed, masked and read to walk in an OR, you don't let strange men in your house and let them fondle your boobs and God only knows what else...unless it's been a while, apparently.  October is Brest cancer Awareness month.  I wonder when pap smear awareness month is because there's gonna be a lot of guys moving to Ft Lauderdale.  Who's crazier here, the wanna be doctor, or the women getting breast exams with their legs spread in their apartments?  It's a toss up.

Read More

NBA should stand for Nothing to Bitch About.

Giving thought to the NBA lockout is like giving thought to Canada or Soccer.  Who cares?  The problem I have with this is the same problem I had with the baseball strike of the 94-95 season.  Baseball was struggling before, and even more after the work stoppage.  It wasn't until Bud Selig sold his soul to BALCO and watched with a evil grin as Sosa, McGuire, and Bonds destroyed not only the home run record, but the integrity of Major League Baseball, did the fans return to the game.  Having a group of already poorly perceived athletes strike due to a disagreement between billionaire owners and almost billionaire players is something the average NBA fan not only can't conceptualize, but is infuriated by.  The NBA was already on its knees; after this, it will be crippled.  I love basketball probably more than 90% of the Americans, but I'll be honest, I seriously couldn't care less if I watched one game of the NBA next season.  In fact, only when baseball season ends and college basketball is over, does anyone watch an egregiously long 82 game regular season anyway.  God, I hate this league.  What a group of morons.  Here's the top ten earners for 2011:

1. Kobe Bryant LA Lakers $24,806,250
2. Rashard Lewis Orlando $20,514,000
3. Kevin Garnett Boston $18,800,000
4. Tim Duncan San Antonio $18,700,000
5. Michael Redd Milwaukee $18,300,000
6. Pau Gasol LA Lakers $17,822,187
7. Andrei Kirilenko Utah $17,822,187
8. Yao Ming Houston $17,686,100
9. Gilbert Arenas Washington $17,730,694
10. Dirk Nowitzki Dallas $17,300,000
11. Vince Carter Orlando $17,300,000
12. Zach Randolph Memphis $17,333,333
13. Carmelo Anthony Denver $17,149,243
14. Amare Stoudemire New York $16,800,000
15. Dwight Howard Orlando $16,509,600
16. Joe Johnson Atlanta $16,324,500
17. Kenyon Martin Denver $15,959,099
18. Elton Brand Philadelphia $15,959,099
19. Predrag Stojakovic New Orleans $15,336,000
20. Chris Paul New Orleans $14,940,152

I don't know about you, but putting these freaks to work in corporate America might quiet the bitching about a 24 million a year salary.  Just a hunch.

Read More