The Body Issue deserves an ESPY

I usually don't see the value of anything using the print medium, but ESPN gets it. Not only have they created, perfected, and reinvented themselves and their business model hundreds of times, but they constantly expand themselves and their brand to succeed in arenas in which other people fail miserably. Unlike Playboy who claims to do nudity tastefully and artistically, ESPN the Magazine actually succeeds. Their annual "Body" Issue is an amazingly tasteful and raw look at the human form. It just so happens these human forms are among the most elite athletes, with the most scultpted bodies in the world. If you haven't seen this issue, do so. Nonetheless, this is Olympic gymnast, Alicia Sacramone. I'm not into girls like this normally, but for some reason, it doesn't get much sexier than these pictures.

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Im gna take you by surprise and make you realize amanda.

Hollywood is so stupid. They propel talentless hideous sea donkeys to stardom while girls like Amanda, are left picking up the scraps with roles like Red Riding Hood. Amanda Seyfried is not only one of Hollywood's young talanted starlets, she's super hot. Granted, she's more pale than me, but she's still hot. If you haven't seen Chloe, get it asap. Trust me, you'll thank me later. Since you asked, I'm not a huge breast guy. For me, it's A$$ and legs. That's where Amanda makes my head spin like a top. Geez OH Pete these are some sticks to write about. I'll stop now though, since things just took a turn to Creepyville.

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And we wonder what's wrong with America....holy smokes.

The arrest of a drug smuggler in Eagle Pass, Texas has put the arresting officer, Jesus “Chito” Diaz, behind bars for two years. The Mexican government pushed for the prosecution after Homeland Security investigated and exonerated Diaz for any wrong doing. The Obama administration prosecuted him on charges of “civil rights” violations and lying to investigators (but…but…Homeland Security cleared him). Chito is a seven-year veteran of the Border Patrol.

The 15-year-old drug smuggler was not only given immunity, he was given citizenship to this country, despite admitting he lied to the jury...oh, and was busted smuggling 70 lbs of pot. Almost forgot that tidbit.

I'm so sickened by this story I can hardly speak. First, if Jesus Diaz broke the law, he should be penalized; however, we're talking about an arrest of a drug dealer with 70 lbs of pot. This is a guy that protects our country everyday along the Mexican American border, which is increasingly violent and unforgiving. I can't fathom a US Attorney agreeing to grant a drug dealing, illegal, citizenship. WTF is wrong with these people? How can we expect to protect our borders when we send the officers that protect us from very dangerous drug dealers, to jail? This is the most ridiculous story I have heard in months. Honestly, it's almost reached the point where I'm often disappointed, never surprised, and rarely proud of any decision the United States Government makes. I really really really hope that in 2012, people go to the polls, and like Brewster's Millions, vote D, None of the Above. Our two party political system needs an enema.

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Snooki 1 ---- Trey Yearwood 0 (FML)

Like Pablo Neruda's poem, I could also write the saddest lines tonight. The lines are as follows:

Snooki, following up on her New York Times Bestseller (WTF X 5), A Shore Thing, she is currently promoting her second book (WTF X 10), Confessions of a Guidette (RUFKM). As I typed those lines I actually impaled myself with a rusty pitchfork and beer bonged some Drano, but unlike me, if you're not fading in and out of consciousness, you can read a few of the pearls from her new book.

Via Amazon:


“My biggest nightmare is waking up pale. Or without eyelashes.”

“A guidette has to know how to have fun anywhere. Like, if you’re stuck in a cardboard box, you have to rock it.”

“LOVE my slippers. It’s like wearing beds on your feet.”

“If you can smell hair gel from a mile away, it signals guido mating season.”

“I like to wear so many accessories that people are confused.”


I'm dead now, but if you're not, I highly recommend reading Revelations and following suit. After all, the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse are being saddled up at this very moment.

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Heidi blows me.............away everytime.

Heidi Klum could be older than our Constitution and I'd probably still go into cardiac arrest if I met her. She pops out a baby once a year whether she wants it or not, yet her body always rebounds like Dennis Rodman. This post is for nothing other than a tribute to one of the greatest weekends due to the unofficial holiday, Halloween, the GA/FL game, and of course, Heidi Klum. Go Dawgs and God bless German supermodels named Heidi.

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Even Brazilian women can fight.

You know when someone's about to be disrepected, be racist, or be sexist, he/she will undoubtedly begin the sentence with, "I'm not trying or I don't mean to (blank) but..." Well, I preface this post like that because I don't mean to be sexist, but usually women look ridiculous when they try to fight or hit a bag. They even make funny looking fists. Sure, there are exceptions, but generally speaking, the beautiful ones aren't designed to fight. It's just not in their DNA. Well, that was until I saw this video of Adriana Lima hitting the bag. Just when I thought Brazilian supermodels couldn't be more perfect, they go and do athletic things like this to blow my loins into outer Earth orbit.

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Playboy is on the pulse of the American male.

Drug makeover 2.0




Playboy has announced, typically for them, about four years after no one cares anymore, that Lindsay Lohan will pose nude for the dying, decrepid magazine. I'm not sure what guy would want to see Lindsay Lohan nude because that guy is most certainly not this guy. The rumor is, "She has spent three days posing for photgraphers and will leave nothing to the imagination." No shit. She's been doing that for anyone that has booze or cocaine for about four years now. She would get naked for a pack of Fun Dip or a Pixie Stick at this point. If you're some weirdo that would want to look at a vagina that resembled ground turkey with leprosy wounds, this issue of Playboy will be a consumer staple for you. I think I'll pass.

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