Best Story of the Year Part Deux .

LODI, Calif. -- Lodi police arrested Shawn Batie, 42, at 9:41 p.m. on Friday night after they said he was found under the influence of methamphetamines.

Officers responded to a call in the area of Beckman Road just north of Harney Lane where a man later identified as Batie was found standing in the dirt next to the cemetery with a flashlight, yelling in the dark.

Police said that Batie was wearing an Oakland Raiders jacket, a g-string and a hair scrunchie around his genitals. He was also wearing socks.

Officers said that he was very jittery and his pupils were dilated. They took him into custody on suspicion of being under the influence, which was later confirmed at the jail where it was discovered that he was also a parolee at-large, police said.

Police said once at the jail, Batie proceeded to smear his feces on the walls.

Of course he's on meth. He's wearing a scrunchie on his junk. First of all, it's 2011...where the hell do you find a scrunchie? Second, he thought to put it around his junk. There's like two hundred questions I still have after that. What would cause this you ask. One simple explanation: M.E.T.H.

If you're clueless to the ways of the underworld and still not sold on the substance that causes you to act like this, watch Batie back at the station...cause he's wiping his fecal matter on the walls. So let's recap: 1). Scrunchies around junk. 2). Wiping your feces on walls.

Case closed: M.E.T.H.

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Baseball is America's Game...

Thirty-five years ago today, on April 25, 1976, the Chicago Cubs took the field to play the Los Angeles Dodgers at Dodger Stadium. During the fourth inning with the Dodgers at bat, a 30-year-old Cubs outfielder named Rick Monday made the greatest play in baseball history, and it had absolutely nothing to do with the game of baseball.

Two idiot protesters, William Thomas and his 11-year-old son, stormed the field with an American flag. They threw it on the ground in shallow left-center field, kneeling over it with matches and lighter fluid, preparing to interrupt the game by burning Old Glory. Later, Monday recalled, "I figured having gone to college, two and two is sometimes four. They were dousing it with lighter fluid." During the game's radio broadcast, Dodgers announcer Vin Scully said, "Wait a minute, there's an animal loose. Two of them! I'm not sure what he's doing out there. It looks like he's going to burn a flag..."

Angry and reacting on pure patriotic instinct, the center fielder, who served six years in the Marine Reserves, sprinted towards them and snatched away the flag before they could drop a second match to set it ablaze. The crowd went wild, the protesters were escorted off the field, the crowd spontaneously broke out in "God Bless America," and, from that moment on, Rick Monday went down in American history books as an American folk hero. Afterward, he told the press, “If you’re going to burn the flag, don’t do it around me. I’ve been to too many veterans’ hospitals and seen too many broken bodies of guys who tried to protect it.”

Later in the year the Dodgers presented Monday with the flag that he saved. The '76 season ended up being Monday's career best with 32 home runs and 77 RBIs. He now works on the Dodger's broadcast team. Here's what he told Chicago Now's Bob Vorwald over the weekend while commemorating the 35th anniversary:

When I think back to that moment, I was in center field in the middle of the fourth inning and I saw out of the corner of my eye two people coming on the field. When that happens, you really don't know. Are they there on a bet? Are they coming out because they don't like you? I saw that one of them had something under his arm. They ran past Jose Cardenal, who was in left field, and went to shallow left-center. I saw one guy take out what looked to be an American flag and almost spread it out as if it was going to be a picnic blanket. I saw the reflection on the sun off the can and it looked like lighter fluid that they were dousing it with. It was windy at Dodger Stadium and the wind blew their first match out. The second match was lit and that's when I arrived. To this day, I don't know what was going through my mind, except that what they were doing was wrong. I scooped the flag up, and fortunately it was not on fire. The guy threw the can of lighter fluid at me, but he wasn't a prospect and he missed.

I gave the flag to Doug Rau, a pitcher came out of the Dodger dugout. Tommy Lasorda was coaching third base and ran by me and was livid as well. For an instant, I was thinking if I should bowl those guys over, but I just scooped the flag up. I'm very happy there was no violence involved and no one was hurt. I'm proud of the fact that I was able to stop them, but you don't think about the possible consequences at the time.

It stays fresh in my memory because of the number of pieces of mail I receive and the anniversary rolls around each April. That flag is in my home. I still look at the flag and the pictures and what has not changed is that I felt then as I do now that what those two people were trying to do was wrong.

I feel honored and proud when I am asked about the flag, not because I stopped two people from burning the flag that afternoon in Los Angeles, but because it represents a lot of rights and freedoms. A lot of years have gone by, but it's still important enough that people still discuss. That flag is still a part of my life and my wife and I have been blessed to be able to take it around the country and raise a lot of money for charities. It's meant a lot to me. I spent six years in the Marine Corps Reserve and I met a lot of people who gave a whole lot more than just the time that I spent. That flag represents a lot to be proud of. This is a wonderful country and it can be better if we want to try.

I think of myself having a high sports IQ, more specifically, a baseball aficionado, yet I've never heard of this story in my life. I'm so glad I know it though. How bad ass is this dude. Nothing gets me going like American patriotism. If you can watch this video and not feel a sense of pride and honor for this amazing country, do me a favor and move. Is burning a flag representative of our freedoms...absolutely. Conversely though, that same freedom gives me the right to hate you for burning it. If you're a parent and you take your 11 year old son out onto a major league field to burn your country's flag, you're a shitty parent. You simply don't force a child to be an instrument of your political discontent. That's what cowards do.

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America is doomed.

When Los Angeles County Sheriff's homicide investigator Kevin Lloyd was routinely looking through snapshots of tattooed gang members, he saw something that caught his eye - a crime scene he was familiar with.

Anthony Garcia, a member of the Rivera-13 gang, had a tattoo that resembled the scene of the liquor store killing of 23-year-old John Juarez in Pico Rivera on Jan. 23, 2004, reports the Los Angeles Times.

There were numerous details the murder inked on the gang member. The paper reports that the tattoo included the Christmas lights that lined the roof of the liquor store where Juarez was shot and killed, the direction his body fell, the bowed street lamp across the way and the street sign. Above everything read the title, "RIVERA KILLS", a reference to the gang. A helicopter was also placed above the scene raining down bullets, a nod to Garcia's alias "Chopper."

When police discovered the evidence on Garcia's chest in 2008, they launched an investigation, which was followed by the arrest of Garcia, reports the paper.

This week, an undercover policeman placed in Garcia's cell got a confession from the suspect. That yielded a first-degree murder conviction in a killing investigators had initially given up hope on, the paper reports.

"Think about it. He tattooed his confession on his chest. You have a degree of fate with this," Capt. Mike Parker told the Times.

Garcia faces 65 years to life when he is sentenced on May 19 in a Norwalk court.

Could Garcia be dumber? No seriously, who tattoos the crime scene, down to the specific details, that only the guilty party would know on their chest. This is where I struggle with the debate regarding rehabilitation in the prison system. When you're dealing with people with this level of intelligence, there's no way you can expect them to rehabilitate. These people have always and will always be the dregs of society. Tattoos of murder scenes, complete with helicopters and Christmas lights on the liquor store, reveals this guy is neck and neck with the dumbest person to ever walk the face of the earth. The only thing this guy could do to help society would be to take a long walk off a short pier.

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You gotta be kidding me.

Reporter Looks Like Police Sketch Of Rapist - Watch more Funny Videos

The reporter looks only a little like the perp in question, but honestly, if there's any resemblence whatsoever, shouldn't you have someone else cover this story? If you've got a wide mouth and wide set eyes and the sketch artist has the skills of a 4th grader with epilepsy, ask Hunter from the weather department to be the on scene reporter for this one. I feel badly for this dude. I bet there was a thousand calls right after he reported on this story and they all went a little like this:

"Uh...yes...I'm pretty sure the man you're looking for was just on television. He's going by the alias, Larry Seward and of all places, he's working for the nightly news."

You know they said all the famous serial killers like Son of Sam and Hillside Strangler would hang around their crime scenes because it made them feel invincible. Based upon Larry reporting his own crime on the news, I think might he be a little too confident.

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Greatest resume of all time.

I'll be honest, if I'm hiring a guy to work in a restaurant, I couldn't, in a million years expect a more qualified, more bad ass applicant. This guy will no doubt be a winner...it's just a matter of time.

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I just wouldn't classify Nigeria as forward thinking.

Africa is such an enigma of cultural evolution and civilization. People have inhabited that continent, populating the fertile crescent since around 5300 BC. So, what is that, roughly 7000 years of continuous inhabitance. You would think that after that many years of evolutionary principles influencing generation after generation, they would have progressed beyond black magic and human to goat transformations. Imagine living in a country where the police witness a Mazda 323(Mazda 323 wtf) being stolen and while one of the perps get away, the other turns to a goat to avoid being caught. That would be so awesome except that these policeman are serious. Yes, we are actually discussing human beings, while in the act of grand theft auto, turning themselves into a goat to avoid capture. Take a moment and say that out loud. Humans. Goats. 2011. Nigeria. Humans-->Goats.

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Tornados love Fast Food too?

Tornado Steals Guy's Hamburger - Watch more Funny Videos

Eric Hubbard is like a magician. Instead of the tornado taking him away tumbling through ghetto, he grips the earth like Bill Paxton in the Twister finale when he wraps himself around the pipe in the barn with the strongest leather belt in the history of man. Eric didn't walk away unscathed by this rabid twister, though. The tornado came through and stole Eric's Extra Value Meal. R U F K M? What are the odds a raging tornado comes through your neighborhood and decides to give you and your Atlanta hat a break, but not your #3 Super Sized. This is basically Antoine Dodson 2.0. Enjoy!

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