I hardly know where to start with this train wreck. Sure, Lindsay has aged in dog years over the past few, but there are days when she can still look
P.S. Nice dress.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
I hardly know where to start with this train wreck. Sure, Lindsay has aged in dog years over the past few, but there are days when she can still look
P.S. Nice dress.
As I said yesterday, I'm not ready to replace Heidi, but if I were, Candice Swanepoel would certainly be the front-runner. I don't know where Victoria shops, I guess that secret is kinda the point, but holy smokes. It's hard to believe these girls aren't a group of robotic Terminators sent here from the future by SKYNET to eliminate men too weak to say no. Candice, pick me pick me. Ew-me, ew-me. No? Alas, what a way to go.
I was asked by one of my down-on-his-luck friends to write singles ad. Since he knows I'm such a romantic verbal ninja, he thought my creativity and benevolence might really land him the girl of his dreams. I thought for hours, wrote countless rough drafts, and I think I've caught lightning in a bottle with this.
I didn't write it, but it is hilarious.
I didn't write it, but it is hilarious.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Say what you want, which can't be anything but DAMN!, Heidi Klum makes me sin. Just when I'm ready to start my search for the hottest woman on Earth, or more specifically, search for my new girl within the pages of Victoria's Secret to replace her, she shows up looking hotter than Helen of Troy. Seriously, it doesn't get better than this. Her dress is almost as flawless as her legs. She is basically the only thing that made that piece-of-trash worth watching. The Emmy's are awful. They're simply nothing more than a platform for narcissists to further exploit themselves. Just when talentless filthy rich morons with a voice don't alienate themselves enough, they walk a red carpet and boast about wearing millions of dollars in jewelry while telling everyone how "hard they worked" for that stupid trophy. Had it not been for Heidi Klum's trip to the Emmy's, it would have been more fun to watch Napalm dropped on an orphanage than tune into that garbage for five hours.
Christina Hendricks, of the Mad-Men-cult-following-fame, showed up to the Emmy's last night leaving people wondering why in the hell she's famous. I know I have a gift of reducing women to sundry anatomic metaphors, but are men so shallow that if someone has large breasts, they're instantly famous? I usually would unequivocally answer yes, but this chick? I simply can't buy that. This chick wouldn't be the hottest girl in any Atlanta area Waffle House at 3:23am on a random Wednesday. Seriously. There's hardly one attractive thing about her...and it's not even what you're thinking. It boggles my mind that you can give a girl red hair, bazookas, a hit show and a fancy dress and she's a sex symbol. There are 40 year old virgins that wouldn't have sex with this girl.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
September 11 left lower Manhattan simmering in a diaphanous fog of hatred and intolerance. It left the remnants of nearly 3,000 people and a symbol of American power and presence obliterated. All of this was done by the closed fists of Islam. Since then, the nation of Islam's defensive strategy of painting a picture of peace and serenity, as victims being misrepresented by zealots not following the holy book, is the irony of that horrific morning. There are nearly 1.6 billion Muslims around the world. I know, without a doubt, there are Muslims kneeling toward Mecca and worshipping Allah without the pretense of hatred and intolerance for infidels on their breath. But, as an American, as a patriot, and as a Christian, I struggle with a myriad of emotions. This ambivalence comes from countless acts of terror around the globe, almost exclusively in the name of Allah, constant reminders of hatred for our America in the long lines of airport security, counter-terrorism, Homeland Security and a relentless war to prevent the dismemberment of little girls, like the one above, by the godless hands of the Taliban. Some people argue religion is not flawed, but people are. I think all religion is flawed since it's conceptualized by people. Regardless of the denomination or preference, Religion has lead to more death than any war. Christianity, sadly, being among the most devastating. I, nor anyone before me, can alter the horrific acts of the Crusades, or defend the horrors of the Roman Catholic Church, among others, through the years. However, this isn't the 12th century. We're a land of punitive law and a people of God's Law. Our President is right. We cannot forget the principles which lay the foundation for this great nation. We cannot turn our backs to tolerance and religious freedom no matter how much it stings our prideful souls and mourning hearts. However, President Obama missed an opportunity to finally be the leader he promised this country he would be. He had an opportunity, at a dinner celebrating Ramadan, to challenge the Muslim community sharing our country to demonstrate exactly what they were celebrating: asking forgiveness for past sins, praying for guidance and help in refraining from everyday evils, and trying to purify themselves through self-restraint and good deeds. A good deed would have been to understand and sympathize with the many thousands mourning, whether justifiably represented or not, in the wake of Islamic terrorism. I cannot help but visualize a 100 million dollar structure that stands on ground so close to ground zero, landing gear crashed through its interior, as a trophy of triumph, strength, and the steadfast adherence to Allah's war against infidels and America. Our President isn't capable of speaking on my behalf. He doesn't share my passion for this country. He doesn't share my passion for my God. I would vehemently defend the right to build that Mosque based on the law of this country. I would defend any man's freedom to worship in this country. I shiver to think of Obama's words while addressing the tolerance of a Nativity Scene being built on the grounds of an Islamic Community Center devastated at the hands of Christian or Jewish terrorism.
9:5 "... fight and slay the pagans wherever ye find them, and seize them, beleaguer them, and lie in wait for them in every stratagem (of war) ..."
An excerpt from the Koran. You be the judge, but tolerance and turn-the-other-cheek aren't the first things that come to mind.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
JACKSONVILLE, Fla.-- Jacksonville is the second most uneducated city out of 52 major cities in the U.S. per square mile, according to a recent economics graduate blogging from just outside the nation's capital.
Rob Pitingolo, a blogger and economist who's labeling the cities as smartest and dumbest, calculated the number of college-degree holders per square mile to create his 52-city list called the educational attainment density.
As a result, dense cities with smaller land area and larger populations generally rank higher than other cities.
Steven Wallace, president of Florida State College at Jacksonville, called the study's methodology "something beyond absurd."
Wallace said he doesn't believe the study has any value because he feels it ignores the facts.
Wallace is obviously a Jacksonvillian. Besides Jorts, dip cups, Lynyrd Skynrd themed clothing, morbid obesity, beach bumbs, meth labs, and 1990's neon lights under Japanese imports, there are scores of ignorant people. I kind of feel sorry for them. It's not their fault. It's Florida. It breeds hopelessness. Well, hopelessness and pedophilia. Oh, and meth heads. Almost forgot those guys. Mr Wallace, I know you're trying to defend your "great" city, but when you elect dumbasses like this, you really can't say the studies are that inaccurate.
Peeple r sew dum.
Yeah kolledge drop-owt lusers like Bill Gates and Larry Ellison. Thay ar dum. Not like smrt peeple sutch az Corrine Brown (Go Gatuh)!
Since Comcast has been determined to bend me over for the last two plus weeks, I haven't been able to comment on this amazing piece of news. So, here I am at Starbucks. My friends, Antoine Dodson is a hero. He's taken the safety of his project under his wing and like the neighborhood watch, he's warning everyone. "Hide your kids, hide your wife, hide your husbands cause day raping errybody round heah." Something tell me if your husband gets raped, you might wanna question Antoine Dodson.
Since the original is so awesome, I figured you wouldn't watch both so I included an awesome cover of Antoine's Warning Cry first so you can experience, like I have, the joys of viral internet.
Since the original is so awesome, I figured you wouldn't watch both so I included an awesome cover of Antoine's Warning Cry first so you can experience, like I have, the joys of viral internet.
This may be hard to believe, but despite being on the cusp of an AIDS vaccine, over forty years of men walking on the moon, and handheld internet devices operating at rates of 4G, COMCAST doesn'tknow if they provide internet to my new home. Did I mention my neighbor two houses down has it? No, they're not joking. I already asked that. When I was a kid, I seriously thought I would be in a flying car by now. Instead, I'm waiting to see if a multi-billion dollar cable monopoly can dig a trench, bury a cable and provide a service that my neighbor, 120 feet away already has. I could turn water into wine or coal into a diamond quicker than this. My life would be so much better without the presence of nincompoops.
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