Mischa Barton is a one way ticket to H.I.V.ille

I hardly know where to start with this train wreck. Sure, Lindsay has aged in dog years over the past few, but there are days when she can still look attractive alive. Poor Mischa. It was only like 5 years ago when this girl was not only relevant, she was revered. Now she's like a meth reject living on the streets of Detroit that thinks she's doing a documentary on addiction, when really people are staging her intervention on A&E. Well,...

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"Come with me if you want to live..."

As I said yesterday, I'm not ready to replace Heidi, but if I were, Candice Swanepoel would certainly be the front-runner. I don't know where Victoria shops, I guess that secret is kinda the point, but holy smokes. It's hard to believe these girls aren't a group of robotic Terminators sent here from the future by SKYNET to eliminate men too weak to say no. Candice, pick me pick me. Ew-me, ew-me. No? Alas, what a way to go. ...

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Tell me what you think guys...

I was asked by one of my down-on-his-luck friends to write singles ad. Since he knows I'm such a romantic verbal ninja, he thought my creativity and benevolence might really land him the girl of his dreams. I thought for hours, wrote countless rough drafts, and I think I've caught lightning in a bottle with this.I didn't write it, but it is hilario...

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This I get...crystal clear.

Say what you want, which can't be anything but DAMN!, Heidi Klum makes me sin. Just when I'm ready to start my search for the hottest woman on Earth, or more specifically, search for my new girl within the pages of Victoria's Secret to replace her, she shows up looking hotter than Helen of Troy. Seriously, it doesn't get better than this. Her dress is almost as flawless as her legs. She is basically the only thing that made that piece-of-trash...

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I just don't get it...

Christina Hendricks, of the Mad-Men-cult-following-fame, showed up to the Emmy's last night leaving people wondering why in the hell she's famous. I know I have a gift of reducing women to sundry anatomic metaphors, but are men so shallow that if someone has large breasts, they're instantly famous? I usually would unequivocally answer yes, but this chick? I simply can't buy that. This chick wouldn't be the hottest girl in any Atlanta area Waffle...

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Finally.

I'm back in action. I know internet seems like it's something readily accessible; however, you'd be surprised with the ineptitude dripping out of ATT Broadband. I have internet so hopefully I'm back to my cozy fantasy world of objectifying women and exploiting people's misfortu...

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I'm conflicted...

September 11 left lower Manhattan simmering in a diaphanous fog of hatred and intolerance. It left the remnants of nearly 3,000 people and a symbol of American power and presence obliterated. All of this was done by the closed fists of Islam. Since then, the nation of Islam's defensive strategy of painting a picture of peace and serenity, as victims being misrepresented by zealots not following the holy book, is the irony of that horrific morning....

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Jacksonville is stupid.

JACKSONVILLE, Fla.-- Jacksonville is the second most uneducated city out of 52 major cities in the U.S. per square mile, according to a recent economics graduate blogging from just outside the nation's capital. Rob Pitingolo, a blogger and economist who's labeling the cities as smartest and dumbest, calculated the number of college-degree holders per square mile to create his 52-city list called the educational attainment density. As a result, dense...

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Oh thank you so much Antoine Dodson

Since Comcast has been determined to bend me over for the last two plus weeks, I haven't been able to comment on this amazing piece of news. So, here I am at Starbucks. My friends, Antoine Dodson is a hero. He's taken the safety of his project under his wing and like the neighborhood watch, he's warning everyone. "Hide your kids, hide your wife, hide your husbands cause day raping errybody round heah." Something tell me if your husband gets raped, you might wanna question Antoine Dodson. Since the original is so awesome, I figured you wouldn't...

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My apology to my sister and my other two readers for my absence.

This may be hard to believe, but despite being on the cusp of an AIDS vaccine, over forty years of men walking on the moon, and handheld internet devices operating at rates of 4G, COMCAST doesn'tknow if they provide internet to my new home. Did I mention my neighbor two houses down has it? No, they're not joking. I already asked that. When I was a kid, I seriously thought I would be in a flying car by now. Instead, I'm waiting to see if a multi-billion...

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