Florida...where class is forgotten.

Police say 29-year-old Jessi Clark, pictured left, was in the passenger seat of a car when officers pulled it over Wednesday night.

According to police reports, Clark “pulled out a piece of paper towel from her crotch” that contained three Oxycodone pills and three Xanax tablets.

She then pointed her finger at the driver and said he told her to shove the drugs down there before police came. He responded by saying to the cops, he “has no idea what was down her pants.”

Clark is charged with two counts of felony drug possession.

Wow, a Florida girl is arrested for possession of narcotics? I, for one, know this girl is innocent. In fact, if I weren't reading this story with my own two eyes I wouldn't believe it. Now if instead of oxy and xanax the girl pulled out of her crotch, it was 26 penises, then this story about Florida would be a little more believable. Those damn cops are always out to ruin the reputation of good people.

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Minka Kelly keeps trying.

Last night Minka Kelly was walking the red carpet for something and looking ridiculously hot doing it. As she made her way down the red carpet, someone screamed her name. As she turned around, they were holding up a picture of me. This photo was taken at that precise moment. It's a curse to have such a savage and animalistic effect on women. There are times when I'm moisturizing and flexing in the mirror and I pray that my gift of love would be stripped by God. I'm so tired of supermodels, actresses and Minka Kelly. These thirsty gestures of sexual desire and sin have become my scarlett letter Aa and I'm exhausted.

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Porn Stache...check.

The world of sports and porn have seen their share of awesome staches, but none can rival this gem. In fact, I'm pretty sure this is the best mustache ever groomed by man.

From ESPN:
Meet Evan Fjeld, owner of the thickest mustache this side of Tom Selleck. The Dagger's Matt Norlander caught Fjeld's stache in Vermont's loss to UConn Wednesday night, and while Fjeld's 26 points may not have earned the Catamounts the upset, his mustache no doubt left a more lasting impact on everyone at the XL Center in Hartford, Conn. Couple it with Fjeld's hair style of choice -- an unkempt bowl-looking thing more suited to a 1970s music video -- and, well, you have to your cap. Evan Fjeld's got swag, kids. We are not worthy.

Fortunately enough, the mustache comes just in time for Movember, a month dedicated to the growth of facial hair to raise awareness for the No. 1 type of cancer afflicting men: prostate cancer. Just think: If we could all grow mustaches this thick, prostate cancer wouldn't stand a chance.

Huge Kudos to the Catamounts and their ridiculous mustache.

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Will Ferrell = Comedic Genius

David Bowie (Will Ferrell) visits Bing Crosby (John C. Reilly) during the holidays to sing a duet of two Christmas classics, Peace on Earth & The Little Drummer Boy.

Peace on Earth/Little Drummer Boy with Will Ferrell & John C. Reilly from Will Ferrell

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I'm not sayin, I'm just sayin.

Today, reps of Ryan Reynolds and Scar-Jo annouced that the couple has been separated, living separately, and are divorcing.

“After long and careful consideration on both our parts, we’ve decided to end our marriage,” they say in a joint statement. “We entered our relationship with love and it’s with love and kindness we leave it. While privacy isn’t expected, it’s certainly appreciated.”

Scarlett Johansson rests atop the sexual desire hierarchy for many men around the world. I'm not sure why. She's like a blonde hobbit with huge cans. Sure, she looks phenom in a few pictures scattered about the internet, but with today's digital assistance, who can't be hot. They even make Madonna look alive. Ryan Reynolds was just voted People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive and Scarlett Johansson is a barrel chested granola with a terrible tattoo. I don't dislike her, in fact, she was terrific in Match Point, but Ryan Reynolds is playing The Green Lantern in the new Marvel Comics installment, is a Hollywood leading man, and if God hadn't already made it unfair enough, gave him 4% body fat. The reason The Green Lantern is relavent to the story is because Blake Lively is also playing the female lead in the movie. The picture below was taken at a press junket for the movie and unless you're blind, you can plainly see why Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds are getting divorced. I'd crawl through a drain pipe of broken glass and cyanide gas to sit next to this rocket for 2 and a half minutes. If you're still confused why Ryan Reynolds is ending his marriage, turn it to Glee because you're gay.

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Hollywood Sucks: Reason # 4,554

Yes, I know this video is like three years old, but of course, I have been thinking about how bad Hollywood sucks. The language is very NSWF. It's laced with the foul words only a first class asshole could use when someone ruins his wittle movie scene.



Christian Bale, aka Batman, has been earning a living as a Hollywood actor since his role in Empire of the Sun when he was 13 years old. So, since 1987 he's been living in a fantasy world of luxury for which most people would trade their left arm. It's amazing how someone can be so fortunate in life and yet be so incredibly insufferable and out-of-touch with reality. It's a shame really, to have all that money, to have the ability and means to make a difference in someone's life and all you can muster is angry, childish tirades. On the contrary, you never hear bad things about Johnny Depp. All you hear about him are stories of him leaving 5,000 dollar tips, showing up to a little girl's 3rd grade class dressed at captain Jack Sparrow to help her stage a mutiny against her teachers, and him visiting hospitals as Jack Sparrow to help make a sick kid's day magical. Depp does things like that while Bale acts like a 5 year old because someone making peanuts compared to him walked through his scene as he tried to do his job and fix the lighting. Today, I was listening to Howard Stern and he pointed out something very telling. Christian Bale is British. How much of a self absorbed arrogant asshole must you be that you're so "angry" at a grip on set, you can't break "character" to curse them out in your natural voice and accent. It wasn't even a good American accent. Can you fathom that kind of insanity? That would be like me playing a British character and getting so pissed that I don't bother breaking character and cursing them out with a stupid amateur British accent. God, what a douche in a half. Listen Bale, we know about Method acting, but buddy, you're no DeNiro, you're no Daniel Day Lewis, and you're certainly no Brando. They're the only three method actors that would get a pass, but they're legends and professionals and would never treat people like this asshole. I would love to fight this prick.

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Only Californians could screw something up so magical...

Urban legend tells of a "Big One" that would crack along the San Andreas fault sending California floating off into the ocean. First, we couldn't be so lucky. Second, unless you have the intelligence of Dexter Manley, you know that is effing stupid and unfeasible. Regardless, that would be awesome because California is so far off the reservation it probably can never be saved. Only those liberal socialists can take a state that would have the 7th largest economy in the world and tax the shit out of it as they expand the already massive government until the state is completely flat broke. It seems almost impossible to have a state with the most millionaires by a landslide go broke. You really really have to try to screw that up. Governor Schwarzenegger, on Monday, announced a state of fiscal emergency and unveiled a plan that relies largely on cuts to health care and social services for the poor. About $7.4 billion of his proposal would come from cuts, include reducing cash assistance to needy families by 15.7 percent in April, then eliminating the entire welfare-to-work program in July. At this point, it's like Clark Gwiswold putting chewing gum in the hole at the Hoover Dam.


This article was brilliantly written by one of those "evil rich guys" in California making over 200,000...selfish bastard. It's well worth the read.

Here's my favorite part:

People in California making over 200,000/year pay 66% of the state's taxes yet they only earn 39% of the state's income and most of those are small businesses which produce the majority of the job growth. Explain the fairness in that liberals...oh that's right...you don't care about fair.


Like the harried traveler who made famous the expression, “Don’t touch my junk”, I have elected my own personal protest, California style. I have decided to OPT-OUT of California to protest my overgrown state government. I am tired of California legislators sticking their hands in my pants to pay for the European style social welfare state they have created. My work, my earnings and my taxes will go elsewhere.

I am one of those evil “high-earners” in California with income over $200,000 per year. It is unimportant to state legislators that we high-earners pay most of California’s taxes. According to the Franchise Tax Board, in 2007 more than 87 percent of California capital gains taxes came from taxpayers with adjusted incomes of more than $200,000. Residents with incomes over $200,000 pay 66 percent of its income taxes even though earn just 39 percent of the state's income. More important to California’s future, most of us are small businesses, which account for 65 percent of new job growth in the state.

When I moved to California in 1981, California was truly the Golden State. Its budget revenues of $22.1 billion levied just $920 per person from its population of 24 million. It had great freeways, great schools and its inexpensive college/university system was the envy of the planet. By 2009, the budget revenues had grown to $86 billion, or $2,324 per person from each of its 37 million residents. But California has a $25.4 billion deficit, which means the aging “movement” activists who govern this state are spending $114 billion or $3,081 per resident. Spending is up 520% from 1981.

The $86 billion in revenues California collected from capital gains and income taxes is not the only tax that has increased. Despite Prop 13 that capped property taxes at 1%, property taxes expanded from $6.36 billion from 1980-1981 to $43.16 billion in 2006-2007, an increase of 579%. For point of reference the CPI index increased just 133%, from 88 in 1980-1981 to 202.4 in 2006-2007.

The Legislative Analyst's Office says California will have an additional $6.1 billion shortfall in the current fiscal year reaching $25.4 billion next year. Legislative Analyst Mac Taylor says the state faces deficits of $20 billion each year through 2015.

"Unless plans are put in place to begin tackling the ongoing budget problem, it will continue to be difficult for the state to address fundamental public-sector goals -- such as rebuilding aging infrastructure, addressing massive retirement liabilities, maintaining service levels of high-priority government programs and improving the state's tax system," the report said.

How did California voters respond to this fiscal irresponsibility in November? They rewarded the Democratic Party with every elected office from Governor to Insurance Commissioner, and returned Barbara Boxer to the US Senate. I guess California voters did not get the Tea Party memo that resulted in a “shellacking” of 64 Democrat Congressional seats in the rest of the nation. The political tsunami that hit even parts of the Eastern seaboard in 2010 totally missed California. Perhaps it ended somewhere in Nevada with the re-election of Harry Reid.

So, in protest to the insensitive indulgent big-spenders that run Sacramento, I say, “Don’t touch my junk!!!” My beautiful California home is now on the market for $2,000,000. My next home will be in a no state income tax state like Texas or Nevada. I will not buy that new Jaguar that I was planning to purchase for $75,000. I will keep my old Cadillac and deprive Sacramento of $6,562 from its 8.75% sales tax. My next purchase for my real estate business will be an office building in Prague in the Czech Republic, a democracy that has lower taxes and fewer regulations. My income will remain either offshore or in a state that does not confiscate like the money grubbers in Sacramento. And, I will not be investing my capital to create any new jobs in California. In the digital age, my staff will be located in states that are a little more business friendly.

Apparently, I am not alone. Migration out of California exceeds the rate of almost every other state. Why are my fellow “high-earners” leaving the Golden State? Maybe it is because California ranks nationally in the bottom two for business friendliness while placing third in state income taxes.

We have Jerry Brown as our Governor again, meaning that he will live his entire life without a real job. The Central Valley, once agricultural wonderland of America, has Depression era unemployment, this as a result of a green-inspired court water shut-off designed to protect an Anchovy sized piece of bait called the Delta Smelt. And, our brilliant voters – including those working class voters most impacted – rejected Prop 23. That means that on January 1, 2011, California must begin to reduce our greenhouse gases by 40%. To achieve this noble goal, we seem certain to make ourselves even more uncompetitive with other countries and other states.

If that was not enough, voters also approved Prop 25 which allows the public union dominated Democrats to pass its budget with a simple majority. They did such a good job ($20 billion shortfalls) when they were forced to obtain a 2/3rds vote for approval. They no longer will need a single Republican vote to pass their budgets.

Margaret Thatcher remarked to Parliament on February 22, 1990, “The trouble with socialism is that you eventually run out of other people’s money.” Such will be the fate of the failed state of California and its free spending legislators, when high-earners like myself vote with their feet, and their wallets, and take their earnings elsewhere.

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Wikileak is a threat to national security and a much needed vitamin for our democracy

"Information is the currency of democracy" -Thomas Jefferson

This might put me on the watch list, but when it comes to patriotism and the safety of our men and women in harm's way, the bravest and most noble warriors on earth, nothing is more serious. It seems members of Congress are more disturbed by these document's release because it reveals just how inept one governing body can actually become. They also reveal the massive growth of "State Secrets" and the chasm between our Government and the people it represents. If a leaked document represents a clear and present danger to this nation, its people, or its defenders, then obviously, hang the traitors that release them. But when released documents, easily stolen by low-level analyst, Private Bradley Manning, who, according to the Associated Press, was able to defeat Pentagon security systems using little more than a Lady Gaga CD and a portable computer memory stick, are posted to an Internet site, it seems to me that besides a crime being committed, a gift with a big red bow has been handed to the people of America. Are such "secrets" that easily stolen from the Pentagon? A Lady GaGa CD and a memory stick is hardly Mission Impossible espionage. Hell, we've all seen Spies Like Us, where two dim witted analysts penetrate deep within Communist Russia and ultimately save the world by redirecting a nuclear missile headed to US soil. Can stealing secrets detrimental to our safety and national security be so poorly protected that a private can steal them? Thankfully, as of November 28, no death can be attributed to the leaked documents, mainly because there wasn't dangeroulsy sensitive information leaked. Instead, there was a story of America's Arab Allies' obvious concerns regarding Iran and its nuclear program and their encouragement for the US to disarm them by any means necessary. Besides that, there was revealing that the Saudi King has a blond girlfriend, and that the Chancellor of Germany and the President of France don't get along. Then, there's my personal favorite, the King of Saudi Arabia saying prisoners released from Guantanamo ought to have tracking chips implanted. Are these State Secrets, because not one of those so-called secrets would surprise anyone that's been alive for the past five years. I've never heard secrets less secretive.

There are many people around the globe that despise America. Maybe Private Manning is one of them, maybe the face of WikiLeaks is another, but when it comes to the true enemies of America's liberty, there are much graver threats. What's wrong with government transparency? What's wrong with the protection of the 1st Amendment? What's wrong with, as Obama promised during his campaign, reducing the amount of "State Secrets" and having a more open and transparent government. This barrage of leaked documents stand to improve America, not destroy it. Like many Americans, Republican and Democrat alike, I'm disgusted by the ineptitude, the apathy, the arrogance and the misrepresentation of our Government and its leaders. I'm saddened by our citizens that condemn our nation's ambitions to free others from enslavement and tryanny. I'm saddened by the inability of our nation's people to value accountability and demand it from our elected officials. Anything that can strip the power from multi-term Senators, corrupt, law-breaking members of the House, and Presidents that ignore the wishes of the people, the more our country shifts the power back to its people. Then, for the first time in more than 230 years, the American people will feel the enormous power and reap the benefits of liberty.

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You know you're a rocket when...

I've been smitten by Natlie Portman since like 1996 when a semi-pedo Bear, Timothy Hutton, was watching his life unravel over the trauma of growing up and especially, her 13 year old beauty in Beautiful Girls. It instantly became one of my favorite movies. Everyone, including me, that witnessed her breakthrough performance, knew right then and there, Natalie Portman was destined for stardom. I've always said being a hot girl is about as powerful as living on Mt Olympus and being part of mythology. It's the most powerful commodity on the face of the Earth. Natalie Portman has been been a resident of that mythological mountain for years and she's always the hottest girl in the room...until this night happened. I'm sure it never occurred to her, since she's always embarrassed her competition, that someone standing next to her would make her seem homely. Boy did she underestimate Mila Kunis' ridonkulous effortless Eastern European hotness. These pictures are from The Black Swan premiere, set to open next weekend, and holy erections, does this make me dizzy. I don't know if I'll see the movie, but I do know Black Swan is about Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis playing rival ballet dancers, and at some point in the film, they have a steamy sex scene with copious amounts of gratuitous nudity. Wait, what the hell am I saying...

"Sir, one adult for The Black Swan."

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