Greatest story ever...trust me on this one.

A Pennsylvania woman who crashed her car after burglarizing a local inn had a sizable stash of drugs and cash hidden in her vagina.According to a report in the Scranton Times-Tribune, police were called to the scene of a car crash on March 13 where Karin Mackaliunas was arrested for suspicion of theft.During a search, police found three bags of heroin in her jacket. While police escorted the woman to the station, officers noticed her fidgeting in...

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Instructions on how to murder hotness.

++=This is what happens when Sport Illustrated Swimsuit cover models lose their minds and succumb to a raging sea of estrogen and uberconfidence telling them they'll still be the object of desire for millions of men with short hair. Sorry Brooklyn, but you couldn't be more wrong. We've gone over this...for the love of God. Ladies...let's recap: Being a hot female is the most valuable commodity on Earth. That aforementioned hotness is accentuated...

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Something tells me Denver might be guilty

Guilty Dog - Watch more Funny VideosIf you can watch this video and not want to adopt Denver, you're a Communist. Also, if you're one of those assholes that don't like dogs because they're dirty or dumb. or whatever, I hate y...

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1,2,3, one, 1,2,3, two.

I've been working hard on my abs to no avail. That's why, witht he help of some engineer friends of mine, I think I've created the perfect product for Jersey Shore wannabes. I'm sure this is a joke. Gosh I hope so, because if not, this person needs their ass kick...

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Kelly, I thought we agreed to keep this quiet.

This is my tribute to British hottie Kelly Brook. Since she announced her pregnancy last week, I am here to read her last rights of hotness. Her once obviously flawless body dripping with sexual energy and desire will be mutilated by the host she'll carry for 9 months. It will never be the same again. Certain women shouldn't be allowed to reproduce, namely, Kelly Brook. As I said last week, if you can look at these pictures without getting that...

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White people and their decks...

Granted, these all may be stereotypes, but as you all know, there's some level of truth to all stereotypes. That said, if you're looking to make a commercial that gives black people all the ammunition they need to make fun of whites, mission accomplished. If this is how white families act, I can't stand us. Nothing about this commerical is cool. The awful dancing, the nerdy four eyed kid, the s'mores...seriously, all taking place on the deck? Jesus, white people love them some camping and decks h...

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Holy Hell. Cover your eyes!

For those of you with no clue what good music is, or those born after 1990, then you know this wildebeest looking creature is Ke$ha. For those that don't, don't bother. If you weren't lucky enough to ruin your eardrums when she attempted to perform on SNL last year, then thank your lucky stars because it made Ashlee Simpson's disaster seem like it went off without a hitch. If you were, you know she sounds almost as wretched as she looks. I've...

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We're a long way from 1995.

To think this chick occupied exactly 41.7% of my fantasies when I was in high school makes me cringe with shame and disgust. I'm not being shallow about pregnancy because I think pregnant women are beautiful, just not this one. She looks almost exactly like every shopper in Wal-mart after 9pm. Is she related to Britney Spears. No, seriously...is she? Well, they at least share the same personal shoppers. Looking at this picture is like hiking...

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The High School Musicals are my favorite movies.

This picture is exactly like that music you hear while you're getting a massage. You know, that Japanese soothing music loaded with flutes intended to lull you into euphoria. Well, just like that music on the massage table, Vanessa Hudgens has me drooling with my head increasingly getting stuffy. If she only knew the magic she has over ...

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Finally someone is taking full advantage of being royalty

For years I've always wondered why the Royal family is so unattractive. I guess it could be because they inbreed like rednecks in rural Appalachia. I can tell you without hesitation that if I were the Prince of England, I would have every Page 3 girl I wanted, Kate Beckinsale, and Elizabeth Hurley, and that would just be Monday. It seems like they've seriously overlooked this amazing perk...until now that is. Kate Middleton is a rocket. Well...

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WTF is this?

Either Emmitt "Doc" Brown from Back to the Future is a grandfather and Maryland Tarrapin fan, or Maryland needs to reevaluate their sexual pedophile laws because this dude is creepy as hell. He's so creepy, he's almost awesome. In fact, I kind of picture my grandfather looking like this and being a little senile, so I could take him out in public to malls and let him scream and curse at people randomly. He would frighten people and I would stand...

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My New Idol.

J. Wilson is a home brewer, beer blogger and editor of the weekly Adams County Free Press newspaper. The married father of two, who describes himself as a nondenominational Christian, says he became fascinated with the 300-year-old tale of doppelbock beer known as "liquid bread," brewed by German monks who were not allowed to eat food during Lent. "The idea came to me a couple years ago, and it didn't really make sense then, my wife quickly pointed...

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There's trying too hard and then there's Britney Spears

It's so damn confusing. It just seems one day Britney is huge, like she's been eating Krispy Kream milkshakes. Then, the next day she poses for photos like this. Granted, there's so much photoshopping going on, it looks like a class of 1st graders turned her into a minotaur. Regardless, in a weird way, I'm almost morbidly curious about these photos. I'm not sure if I'm sexually interested, or if I'm just interested in the way people are watching...

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Yeah, sure, clean and sober.

This is like the 2011 version of Vincent Van Gough. This is a picture of a man that has obviously lost his mind. Couple insanity with a raging drug habit and you've got this mess of a man. Now that Sheen has lost his job and is essentially unemployable in Hollywood, my prediction for his overdose, without help, is <3 mont...

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Life Lessons

If you're staring at this picture and you find yourself uninterested, stop trying to be straight because you're not. No, seriously, trust me on this o...

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Yes please...

I've been critical of Vicky's new Angels since the originals were demoted, but this, me oh my! Lily Aldridge is jumping out to a huge lead in these photos. Granted, this is only Wednesday during a rainy week, but this is by a mile the highlight. If Victoria's Secret reloads like this, I'm gonna go ahead and apologize my lack of confidence and criticism. Psst...Lily...(pinky and thumb making phone)...call ...

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Sexual Evolution: The Human Male

Humans and chimpanzees share more than 97% of DNA, but there are some fairly obvious differences in appearance, behavior and intellect. Now, scientists are learning more than ever about what makes us uniquely human. We know that humans have larger brains and, within the brain, a larger angular gyrus, a region associated with abstract concepts. Also, male chimpanzees have smaller penises than humans, and their penises have spines. Not like porcupine...

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She makes me stutter like Brad Womack.

Regardless of what you believe, this is one of our little "games" of love and seduction when we're out to dinner ala Sharon Stone in Sliver. It's a little disconcerting that she's playing the same game with the most unfunny millionaire in Hollywood. She's still so pretty, it makes me diz...

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Charlie Sheen might just be a genius.

Charlie Sheen opened a Twitter account today. He already has over 400,000 friends. he also did another interview tonight where he burned heaters (smoked cigarettes) throughout the entire interview. That just screams eff you. Well Sheen has been all over the place over the past few days regarding intewrviews. In my humble opinion, despite what you think of him, there is not better interviewer on earth than Howard Stern and he has Charlie tomorrow...

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