A Pennsylvania woman who crashed her car after burglarizing a local inn had a sizable stash of drugs and cash hidden in her vagina.
According to a report in the Scranton Times-Tribune, police were called to the scene of a car crash on March 13 where Karin Mackaliunas was arrested for suspicion of theft.
During a search, police found three bags of heroin in her jacket. While police escorted the woman to the station, officers noticed her fidgeting in the back seat.
She then told police that she had hidden more drugs in her vagina.
A doctor who performed a search removed: 54 bags of heroin, 31 empty bags used to package heroin, eight prescription pills and $51.22 in cash and change.
Mackaliunas was charged with possession with intent to deliver a controlled substance, possession of drug paraphernalia and two counts of possession of a controlled substance.
If you could have seen my face when I read this story, you would've seen my mouth open and a huge smile starting to form at the corner of my mouth...like when you first see something amazing. There are so many puzzling pieces to this story I don't even know where to begin. Let's begin with the obvious and save the vagina for the win. 54 bag of heroin? Really? At what point does it seem overkill? Also, doesn't her hair seem a little too kept to be a heroin user/dealer? She isn't a beauty queen, but as I'm sure you all can agree, there's been worse heroin mug shots. 8 Rx pills? What the hell are those for? Do you really need 8 prescription pills when you've got 54 bags of heroin? Either she's the most prolific drug abuser in the history of drugs or she's the absolute worst dealer that's ever lived. Ok, on to the VAG. I reread this story three times to make sure I didn't miss something. Yes, it's confirmed. She stored 54 bags of heroin, 32 empty bags, and 8 pills in her lady pouch? Holy smokes...I think it's safe to say how she's been paying for these drugs. She could raise a marsupial in a vagina like that. Then to top it all off, she not only has 51 dollars, but she has 22 cents stored up in there. You have to applaud her resilience and her fortitude for not giving up on that 22 cents. Afterall, most people would have just dropped it on the ground, but not Karin. Karin worked hard for that money. She knows how hard cigarettes are to find in the clink. Every cent counts. I just can't believe that all of that stuff can fit in one human vagina. Are we sure the cops didn't find a Joey kangaroo? Jimmy Hoffa? Amelia Earhart? They better look again. Karin's vagina is like the door to another dimension. You could go spelunking and never make it out alive. I can see it now...Karin, honey, I just found your passport. Gosh, we've been looking everywhere...oh...wait...what's this...Max...our dog...come on out buddy. Get a treat...come on boy.
0 comments:
Post a Comment