Emily Ratajkowski you are an angel of seduction.

I have been wanting to post these pictures all day, but when I look at them, I black out and wake up amidst full body cramping and in a pool of my own sweat and drool. This is precisely why dudes marry supermodels and after about three years, they're sick of them. This chick pictured above is a NOBODY. I mean, for all intents and purposes, she's an actress. Especially, if by actress you mean a music video or two, a carl jr commercial, and...

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ha ha ha dummy. Schadenfreude.

Tuesday, my arch nemesis, lip synched the National Anthem.  Generally, I would say, "no big deal," but this is the freaking Presidential Inauguration.  Also, the other small insignificant point is, Beyonce is a singer and an alleged good one.  Kelly Clarkson is from American Idol and she crushed My Country Tis of Thee better than I did every morning in Kindergarten.  Besides Beyonce's appalling self-absorption and disconnection...

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All bourbons are whiskeys, but not all whiskeys are bourbons.

When it comes to poisoning my liver and giving my body what it "needs" and "demands", nothing massages me into a night of lies and foggy memories like a good quality bottle of bourbon.  I don't have a lot of preference, especially if the bottle has a cork (my own indicator of acceptability minus Bulleit...damn you for the screw off top).  In my order of most favorite to acceptable, my preferences are as follows:Colonel E.H. TaylorIf you...

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Jennifer Lawrence is most desirable woman of 2012?

Jennifer Lawrence, of Hunger Games and Silver Lining Playbook, was recently voted Most Desirable Woman of 2012, according to vanity Fair.  I mean don't get me wrong, she's pretty...I guess, but that title is more than just a stretch.  I had hotter girls in my high school than this and trust me, I thought that was impossible.  One thing she is, however, is cool as shit.  Also, she's ridiculously talented as an actress and already...

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Rise Up Atlanta, with a knife in your neck.

This is exactly why I don't "Rise Up", whatever the hell that means.  It appears when you "Rise Up" you get stabbed.  In the throat.  Ask the family of the guy that tried to Rise Up on Ray Lewis when he was in Atl.  Anyway, Atlanta refuses to look like a sophisticated city.  Instead, however, we like to rap about murder, commit murder, glamorize illiterate and idiotic millionaire flat-broke Housewives, and traffic human beings in and out of the sex trade.  This city has become the punchline for Sat Night...

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Wes Welker's wife said it so I don't have to

Anna Welker, Wes Welker's wife, took to Facebook to remind everyone of what they already know... that Ray Lewis and his God-like admiration is ridiculous.  I don't know about any of you, but I don't associate with murderers, nor have I ever been with a group of "friends" that murdered someone.  He walks on the field and people pretend he's Christ reincarnated.  Well, as Anna Welker points out, he's not.  In post game press conferences,...

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Alex Morgan raises my...enthusiasm.

Admittedly, I don't know a lot about soccer.  I'm learning, but only because my nephew is awesome.  If it weren't for him, I'd never watch the sport.  I generally only tune in during the World Cup because A, it gives me an excuse to drink obnoxiously in the name of The United States of America, and B, see A. Usually I'm underwhelmed by people running around never scoring.  It's just not American in that way.    We score....

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Athletes to admire are a dying breed.

I've given up on integrity in sports.  It's one thing to juice your ass off and dominate your sport while shattering record books and giving yourself testicular cancer i.e. Lance Armstrong, Barry Bonds, etc, but it's another thing entirely to deny it when it's obvious to anyone with a brain you cheated.  Barry Bonds batted lead off at Arizona State.  He weighed a buck 70.  In the height of his cheating, his traps weighed 170 lbs....

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J-Lo can't help but BE REAL.

In a recent interview with Harper's Bazaar, Jennifer Lopez made an incredible effort to identify with her fan base.  That's the thing about J-Lo, when you think of humility and down-to-earth benevolence, you immediately think of Jennifer Lopez.  As she was describing her c-r-a-z-y life and how she stays "grounded" she had this to say:"I like the whole idea of traveling, of looking good, and doing it well.  I make it as simple and as...

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No, this is not a joke. She's deadly serious.

"The best way of doing good to the poor, is not making them easy in poverty, but leading or driving them out of it." -Benjamin FranklinYears from now, or next year, depending on the level of continued spending, when the demise of America is studied, entitlements will be looked upon as the single most detrimental issue in the collapse of our society.  In fact, entitlements aren't as much of the problem.  It's more entitlement attitude.  I've said before, entitlement attitude is not innate to human beings.  It's learned.  It...

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Reasons to hate 2012...and thankfully say goodbye to it

Every year, in January, I look back throughout the year to remind me how miserably stupid people are in this world.  To me, there is no better way to identify stupidity than by analyzing the year's social cliches and/or FADS.  Here are a few examples of why I never want to hear the number 2012 again:Let me guess.  You're also a rock climber...in a gym.  If you climb fiberglass in a gym, you're as much of a rock climber as making...

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teenagers are dumm

Two Placer County teenage girls were arrested for allegedly using drugged milkshakes to knock out the parents of one of the girls so they could log on to the Internet, Rocklin police said.Internet access at the Rocklin home was routinely shut off at 10 p.m., said Lt. Lon Milka, a department spokesman.Milka said that on Friday evening, a 15-year-old girl – who had a 16-year-old friend from Roseville visiting – offered to pick up milkshakes from a...

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I know where this is going... (Overheard beside Rodney King's grave)

As if cops needed another reason to hate you, or use excessive force to curtail their almost guaranteed and rapant steroid use, Thursday the US Court of Appeals for the 2nd Circuit ruled that "The ancient gesture of insult(You know the bird....the finger.  Yes, I know the finger goose) is not the basis for a reasonable suspicion of a traffic violation or impending criminal activity."  There are going to be serious issues with this new ruling...

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