Celebrities like Gwyneth Paltrow are existential gods.

In an interview with re/Code (don't ask me), Gwyneth Paltrow revealed her insufferable existence yet again.  This time though, it was at the expense of heroes that live and die protecting her freedoms and liberties.  From 1995-1999, I was infatuated with this dumbass...I don't know why.  I feel like I owe every Service Man and Woman a public apology for being so stupid.  I swear to God, every single time this chick opens her mouth,...

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Get ready to start cutting....your wrists.

Deadmau5 – $200 – $250K+/show | $21 million earned in 2013At 23, the Swedish DJ is the youngest artist on our list—and taught himself to produce music using pirated software that he played with from his teenage bedroom.DJ Pauly D – $40-$60k/show | $13 million earned in 2013The Jersey Shore star earns half as much per night as some of his DJ brethren, but with 90 performances over the past year and a host of outside business ventures I'm...

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Charlotte McKinney >>>>>>>> Kate Upton

http://instagram.com/charlottemckinneyCharlotte McKinney is what America tried to make Kate Upton.  Kate Upton is 22.  This is what 22 looks like...or should look like.  These pictures make me looking at Kate Upton feel more like I was teleported to the year 2024 and Kate is a mom of three.  I've never understood the hype around Upton.  She's average AT BEST.  And to all you morons out there that are saying, "Yeah, I'm...

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WTF?!?^2

It's such a juxtaposition, but as infatuated as I am with supermodels, I don't get most of them.  In fact, to steal from our beloved champion of independence and free thinking President, Barack Obama, "let me be clear", I'm more infatuated with the idea of models than I am with the models themselves.  For instance, I don't find Gisele hot AT ALL.  In fact, I find her UNATTRACTIVE.  Wabt to know why....because I don't like dudes...

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