Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta aka Lady Gaga

There's part of me that understands the rarity and creativity in Picasso's cubism. I know it looks weird and often indulgent, but if you're the first, it's genius. In that same way, I appreciate Lady Gaga. I know she's probably got an IQ of 160; afterall, she was learned to play piano by ear at age 4 and was accepted to Juilliard at 11. Precociousness like that explains alot of those stupid costumes and original sounds. Moreover, I feel a little...

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She's so pretty it hurts my soul.

If this girl gets any cuter, she's gonna be staring at me during our court case for my restraining order. Honest to God, I could watch her read the phonebook and get turned on. Armegeddon from a surprise giant asteroid, an 8.6 earthquake or my body breaking out with hundreds of boils from leprosy, would be the only way my ass isn't planted in front of the television on Dec 5 watching her on SNL. You know when I sacrifice 2 hours of my life for that dreadful show, there must be something truly remarkable. Well, all I can say is, Blake Lively's...

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Little did I know in 1990, my life began.

This picture takes me back to 1991. I was 12 years old and naive to the ways of this cruel world. Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, Prince of Tides, Silence of the Lambs were all movies making their presence known in the box office. Phil Collins was raking out hits while a young Garth Brooks' was becoming a megastar. The Game Boy's instant success finally made it possible to read even less than you did before. I think this is about the time I started...

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Sometimes, you just gotta leave it alone...

Like many adopted children, Matthew Roberts set about finding his biological parents with a mix of nerves and excitement. In particular, he hoped that discovering his father's identity would help him to work out what made him the man he had become. But nothing could have prepared him for being told his dad was... serial killer CHARLES MANSON. Matthew, 41 - who bears a haunting resemblance to his father - sank into depression after discovering his...

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Seriously, the greatest day of my life, every year.

Christmas morning came early, as it does every year about this time, as the Angels exposed all of Victoria's Secrets. If the cure for all the world's diseases relied on me never watching this lingerie expose again, you better re-up your life insurance cause the cancer is knockin on your door. This hasn't aired on TV yet, but when it does, I'm gonna lock all the doors, saturate the walls, floors and carpet with water and cover the walls with lubricant...

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OBAMACARE

I've tried to steer clear of insipid political posts lately, but this can't be ignored. This week the Government took its first steps in the slippery slope of Health Care Rationing. Despite breast cancer being down over 30% and early detection contributing to the decline in the mortality rate every year since 1990, a group of bureaucrats got together this week and decided to ignore what's working and jeopardize women's health all over the world....

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Megan Fox is sublte

I know most misguided people couldn't disagree with me more about my utter disdain for Megan Fox, but as you can see in these pics, it's just hard for me to find the attraction to someone so shy and unsure of themselves. She's just so humble and so talented. Nothing would make me happier than Brian Austin Green dumping her dumb ass. My girlfriend could be Helen of Troy, but if she came home with these heinous tattoos, I'd drop her like a bad habit....

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Pop goes the weasel

Amy Winehouse's sh!t show of negativity reared its ugly head again yesterday.Mitch Winehouse, Amy's father, trying to explain Amy's hospitalization, said, "She's fine, she just had a little (pointing to his chest) leaky something or other."So, three weeks after getting implants fitted into the saggiest breasts of all time, Amy popped one? Come on! Not only that, but someone melted a spoon of heroin and dripped it on her nose too? You can't even...

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Jennifer Connelly looks great photoshopped

Jennifer Connelly is one of the most underrated actresses in Hollywood. Have you seen the House of Rain and Fog, Requiem for a Dream, or a Beautiful Mind? Even back in the early days of Career Opportunities, she was a rocket. Just look how this woman has aged. It's perfection. You would think a woman this gorgeous would land a young Hollywood guy like Ashton Kutcher for instance; instead, she's with some Brit named Paul Bettany. I love Hollywood....

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What kind of trick is this?

I've seen nothing but criticism for Claire Danes' appearance at a premiere a few days ago, but is it just me, or has she never looked better. It almost looks as if she's a different person. She's a Yale graduate which is impressive, irrespective of the fact that she got a letter of recommendation from Oliver Stone (Regardless Zahn, this is the best that ever came from your alma mater). So, she's smart, she's sexy, and now she looks older than...

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Ashley Greene owns Kristin Stewart

Ashley Greene showed up to the Twiglight premiere in this and I am very thankful. For a year all I've heard about is this and this, both of which are pale and heinous enough to be real vampires. Kristin Stewart makes Lindsay Lohan still seem relevant. I just don't get it. This is the main reason I hate Hollywood so much. It's not about being pretty (Kirstin Dunst), or talented (Megan Fox), it's simply a junior high popularity contest. If you're...

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Blake Lively wins.

Blake Lively is a genius. She's an "actor" on some show, i think. I'm really not sure, come to think of it. She could be the girl that denied me a credit card at the Express last Tuesday. What...she said it happens all the time. I didn't even want the thing. What's 10% anyway? Regardless, I couldn't pick out 2 things on this chick that I could relate to talent...well maybe two. Seriously, it's awesome when girls like this are aware of their...

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Sammy...come on bro

Sammy, I know you've stacked roids and HGH for the last 10 years, but bro, turning yourself into Mark McGuire isn't gonna help you get the votes to Cooperstown. In fact, if this does anything, it might get you a supporting role in Twilight as a blood thirsty vampire. You gotta lay off the Michael Jackson strength hydroquinone. This is not a good look for y...

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Happy Birthday, My love...

Today is the 4 month 28th day anniversary of my soul mate's 28th year. Some people laugh at me when I celebrate such arbitrary dates throughout the year. Like the first time I saw her, or the first time I saw her through the slits in her closet while she was changing, or the first time I stared at her feet under the dressing room door, or like the time I used her Cover girl to get rid of those dark circles under my eyes while she was away for a...

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Let's call a spade a spade...

The alleged Ft Hood shooter is apparently awake and talking, as reported by Fox News this morning. My only question is why? We're actually paying to keep this terrorist alive? Can we please call this what it was. I know the Obama administration refuses to accept that this man was a terrorist, but when you scream, "Allah Akbar," and then open fire on innocent soldiers of a United States Army base, that's terroism. When a recent Islamic converter...

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Taylor Swift is pretty damn funny...

It's bad when your show sucks so bad that a 19/20 year old singer is the funniest person on your show. You gotta hand it to this girl. She's so precocious, so wise, so driven. I hope my kid is a gravy train like her so I don't have to work. That would be so sweet. I could just point them in the direction of the stage regardless if they're crying and begging not to go on, and force them to play for another paycheck. I can't wait for parenthood. It's seems so exciting to think I can name him/her anything and you have to call him/her by that...

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Toughguy 2010, Wolverhampton England

If you thought I couldn't be dumber, I'm proving there's always room for improvement. On January 32nd(Feb 1st), I, along with several of my friends, are going to Wolverhampton England for the annual "Toughguy." Last year the race was started with temparatures in the 20's and snowfall. Racers sustained a variety of injuries from concussions, fractures, and the winner was treated for hypothermia. To say that I'm excited would be an understatement. Let's see, I hate cold water, mud, running, climbing, snow, and rain, so this should be awesome....

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Please tell me he found what he was looking for...

If this idea came to fruition, it is officially (I consulted the judges), the most awesome Halloween costume ever created. To have the originality, the balls, and the forethought to bring something like this to life makes you the most awesome person ever. You can live a thousand lives and never will you see something more envied. I tip my hat to you, Mr. You're Aweso...

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Trick or Treat

Forget that it's Nov 5, because Britney threw tradition to the wind and decided to keep on rocking her nursing mother from the cover of National Geograpic Magazine Halloween costume in Australia. Her nipples look like those glasses you wear with the eyes on springs and they just spring left and right and up and down. I'm pretty sure she could breast feed one child in the front seat while she feeds the other in the back. If I weren't so immature...

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Mike, easy on my fat girlfriend...she's sensitive about that stuff.

Look cuz, I know you lost, but listen, you're no Adonis. You got more chins than a Chinese phonebook. Pull up that sweatshirt chubs and let's see the bro you're wearing. Anyway this is pretty funny. I love coaches when they lo...

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Biggie Biggie Biggie cant you see

A convicted killer from Dade County with an unmistakably bulky frame was arrested Monday when witnesses linked him to another slaying in Jacksonville.Arthur James Martin, 40, was charged in the shooting death of 19-year-old Jacksonville resident Javon Abdullah Daniels. Lt. Larry Schmitt of the Jacksonville Sheriff's Office said Daniels was letting a passenger out his car about 6 p.m Wednesday in the the 1100 block of West 22nd Street when a gunman...

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"I am them..."

A Wisconsin woman called 911 to report herself as a drunk driver, MyFoxAustin reported."Somebody's really drunk driving down Granton Road," Mary Strey said during an Oct. 24 call to 911, according to tapes.Trying to determine the location of the reported drunk driver, the dispatcher asked Strey: "Okay are you behind them, or...""No, I am them," Strey said, according to MyFoxAustin.The dispatcher verified, "You am them?""Yes, I am them," said Strey."Okay,...

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Wearing black is appropriate for funerals

This was posted in the comments of the AJC after the Dawgs received a beat down from a pitiful #1 ranked team. Mabe firing Richt is too hasty, but when you start seeing major boosters withholding monies, you'll see a coach fired so fast your head will spin.THEN: After touchdown, Herschel hands the ball to official, runs to sidelineNOW: After giving up 8 yards on 1st down, defense struts while beating their chestsTHEN: Classic red and silver uniformsNOW:...

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