Best Story of the Year Part Deux .

LODI, Calif. -- Lodi police arrested Shawn Batie, 42, at 9:41 p.m. on Friday night after they said he was found under the influence of methamphetamines.Officers responded to a call in the area of Beckman Road just north of Harney Lane where a man later identified as Batie was found standing in the dirt next to the cemetery with a flashlight, yelling in the dark.Police said that Batie was wearing an Oakland Raiders jacket, a g-string and a hair scrunchie...

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Baseball is America's Game...

Thirty-five years ago today, on April 25, 1976, the Chicago Cubs took the field to play the Los Angeles Dodgers at Dodger Stadium. During the fourth inning with the Dodgers at bat, a 30-year-old Cubs outfielder named Rick Monday made the greatest play in baseball history, and it had absolutely nothing to do with the game of baseball.Two idiot protesters, William Thomas and his 11-year-old son, stormed the field with an American flag. They threw it on the ground in shallow left-center field, kneeling over it with matches and lighter fluid, preparing...

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America is doomed.

When Los Angeles County Sheriff's homicide investigator Kevin Lloyd was routinely looking through snapshots of tattooed gang members, he saw something that caught his eye - a crime scene he was familiar with.Anthony Garcia, a member of the Rivera-13 gang, had a tattoo that resembled the scene of the liquor store killing of 23-year-old John Juarez in Pico Rivera on Jan. 23, 2004, reports the Los Angeles Times. There were numerous details the murder...

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You gotta be kidding me.

Reporter Looks Like Police Sketch Of Rapist - Watch more Funny VideosThe reporter looks only a little like the perp in question, but honestly, if there's any resemblence whatsoever, shouldn't you have someone else cover this story? If you've got a wide mouth and wide set eyes and the sketch artist has the skills of a 4th grader with epilepsy, ask Hunter from the weather department to be the on scene reporter for this one. I feel badly for this dude. I bet there was a thousand calls right after he reported on this story and they all went a little...

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Greatest resume of all time.

I'll be honest, if I'm hiring a guy to work in a restaurant, I couldn't, in a million years expect a more qualified, more bad ass applicant. This guy will no doubt be a winner...it's just a matter of time....

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I just wouldn't classify Nigeria as forward thinking.

Africa is such an enigma of cultural evolution and civilization. People have inhabited that continent, populating the fertile crescent since around 5300 BC. So, what is that, roughly 7000 years of continuous inhabitance. You would think that after that many years of evolutionary principles influencing generation after generation, they would have progressed beyond black magic and human to goat transformations. Imagine living in a country where...

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Tornados love Fast Food too?

Tornado Steals Guy's Hamburger - Watch more Funny VideosEric Hubbard is like a magician. Instead of the tornado taking him away tumbling through ghetto, he grips the earth like Bill Paxton in the Twister finale when he wraps himself around the pipe in the barn with the strongest leather belt in the history of man. Eric didn't walk away unscathed by this rabid twister, though. The tornado came through and stole Eric's Extra Value Meal. R U F K M? What are the odds a raging tornado comes through your neighborhood and decides to give you and your...

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Greatest Professor Ever.

This email was submitted to BroBible.com. I now want to re-enroll in college and take this professors class right now. Hope you enjoy this as much as I did. Dear Class: I have received over 100 e-mails about the due date for the country reports and what midnight means to people...Midnight on Saturday means midnight on Saturday and it has nothing to do with Friday-that's why I said Saturday...So on Saturday morning, you will wake up and then all day long it is Saturday (what a concept !)...As morning goes on it then becomes Noon (or for those...

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The Balk for Jerry's Kids.

Justin Verlander apparently had a sezuire while making one of the most unathletic moves in the history of sports. Pitching to the A's David DeJesus with a man on first, the Verlander did a little dismount on the mound and threw a line-drive (not a pitch) at the batter's feet, hitting him. The umpires took a few minutes to figure out just what the hell had just happened and ultimately awarded second base to the runner on first; since the balk happened first, DeJesus didn't get the HBP. Turns out Verlander had a quasi-reasonable explanation for...

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Speaking of skinny chicks...oh wait nevermind.

Scarlett Johansson went jogging with her walking cadaver of a boyfriend, Sean Penn, and many of the blogs erupted with rumors she was preggers. Well, it turns out, she's just fat. According to her publicist (read: damage controller), she has been training for six months for her new movie and is in the best shape of her life. I truly don't even know how to respond to that except by saying, "either fire your trainer or fire your publicist." It's...

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The highlight of swimsuit season.

Either Marisa Miller is the result of millions of years of flawless evolution, or she has spent her entire adult life hungry. Her loss is my gain. Skinny girls with big breasts, that's what Ponce De Leon should've spent his time looking for...not that stupid water fountain. What a dip sh...

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Derek Jeter is the anti-Christ

Minka Kelly must have been kissed by Aphrodite. Is there another way a girl could be this beautiful. Actually, you know what, there is another way. Turns out this mocha-skinned beauty is the daughter of a former exotic dancer...so in a way, she could've been brought into this world by a dancer named Aphrodite. I don't know about you, but I've never seen an Angel, Fantasia, Cinnamon, Candy, Charisma, Allure, or of course, a Destiny that looks...

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Effortless grace and beauty...oh, let's not forget "curvy"

If you're the star on a show critics like, on a network no one watches, surely you could get your bunion removed so your big toe doesn't drift over the other four. Then, while you're asleep for your bunionectomy, get your DD implants that you've successfully eaten into GG implants removed so maybe, by some miracle, it entices you to do some exercise. If this Quasimodo looking ginger can be famous, anyone can...literally...anyo...

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"I'm shocked by this"-- most common statement heard by no one

A Florida man got in a shootout with a SWAT robot while wearing nothing but his birthday suit. The suspect’s dog was the only onlooker as the robot approached the door at the West Melbourne home. Authorities said a man with several guns was suicidal and threatening authorities.“He said he’d shoot anyone he could,” said Lt. Bruce Barnett with the Brevard County Sheriff’s Office. Instead of risking any lives, deputies sent the $65,000 robot into the...

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Angels among us...

As luck would have it, I found these pics a couple of weeks ago. I've been wanting to formulate some clever narrative, but it's proven impossible. Candice, the blonde in the middle, has come under fire for being abnormally thin. What? Too thin? Who are these people? Answer: Girls that will never look like this. There might be a such thing as too skinny, I've just never seen it. Trust me, I've been looki...

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Best pedicure I've ever gotten...true story.

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Esquire and I love this chick.

According to blogs much more in sync than mine, Katrina Bowden will be their Sexiest Woman Alive. I have no clue who this Katrina girl is, but I really really really want to know. We are in witnessing a major lull in talent in Hollywood, and by talent, I mean hot girls I can thirst for. Well, this is jackpot. I can't wait to hurry and finish typing so I can IMDB Katrina and then set up my DVR. Ahhh...the simple joys of life. David, sorry man,...

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This is posing for Playboy.

I get it. Some people can overlook a face for a smoking body. I am not one of those people. This chick looks like she lost a mud throwing contest. Will I skip this Playboy, probably not, but that's not the point. The point is, Dancing with the Stars dresses chicks with butterfaces in napkins and spin them around the floor with some washed up has been or never was, and this recipe captures America's attention. Holy shit! No wonder the terrorists...

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April Fool's Day brings assualt charges...

Maryland police say a man became stuck to a Walmart store toilet seat after someone spread glue on it.It happened Thursday evening at a store in Elkton. Officials refused to say how long the man was stuck before he was able to get help.Police say emergency workers removed the seat from the toilet and took the man out with seat still attached to him. The seat was removed at the emergency room at Union Hospital.Police say the incident is a second-degree...

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Morbid obesity is so hard to explain.

BELLAIRE,Ohio -- Community reaction has been intense to our story about the morbidly obese man who spent two years in his chair. Everyone is asking, "how could this happen?" (I know). A man whose skin had fused to his chair, with bedsores, maggots and excrement everywhere. The description from the first responders was horrifying. Now the 43-year-old Bellaire man has died according to our radio news partner WKKX. (43 FREAKING YEARS OLD). Who is...

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Gay Cavemen?

The remains of a 5,000 year old man have been discovered and archaeologists believe that he may have been homosexual. Because he was buried like a woman.Archaeologists have unearthed a man from somewhere between 2900 and 2500 B.C. and they discovered that he was buried in a manner that typically, only women were buried in. Most men were buried with their heads pointing towards the west, while this fella was buried with his head facing to the east....

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Evander Holyfield loves the beach...

Looking at this picture takes me back to November of 1996, when Holyfield faced Tyson for the first time. Was vegas ever more electric than that night. IThat one match is single handedly responsible for changing the entire landscape surrounding pay-per-view. That was before the days of MMA, a day when boxing was the main event, a who's who of American pop culture. Thanks to Don King and corrupt promotion and a lack of true and dependable heavyweights,...

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