Snooki 1 ---- Trey Yearwood 0 (FML)

Like Pablo Neruda's poem, I could also write the saddest lines tonight. The lines are as follows:Snooki, following up on her New York Times Bestseller (WTF X 5), A Shore Thing, she is currently promoting her second book (WTF X 10), Confessions of a Guidette (RUFKM). As I typed those lines I actually impaled myself with a rusty pitchfork and beer bonged some Drano, but unlike me, if you're not fading in and out of consciousness, you can read a few...

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Heidi blows me.............away everytime.

Heidi Klum could be older than our Constitution and I'd probably still go into cardiac arrest if I met her. She pops out a baby once a year whether she wants it or not, yet her body always rebounds like Dennis Rodman. This post is for nothing other than a tribute to one of the greatest weekends due to the unofficial holiday, Halloween, the GA/FL game, and of course, Heidi Klum. Go Dawgs and God bless German supermodels named Hei...

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Even Brazilian women can fight.

video platformvideo managementvideo solutionsvideo playerYou know when someone's about to be disrepected, be racist, or be sexist, he/she will undoubtedly begin the sentence with, "I'm not trying or I don't mean to (blank) but..." Well, I preface this post like that because I don't mean to be sexist, but usually women look ridiculous when they try to fight or hit a bag. They even make funny looking fists. Sure, there are exceptions, but generally...

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Playboy is on the pulse of the American male.

Drug makeover 2.0Playboy has announced, typically for them, about four years after no one cares anymore, that Lindsay Lohan will pose nude for the dying, decrepid magazine. I'm not sure what guy would want to see Lindsay Lohan nude because that guy is most certainly not this guy. The rumor is, "She has spent three days posing for photgraphers and will leave nothing to the imagination." No shit. She's been doing that for anyone that has booze...

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Salma Hayek has a great smile...

This Mexican beauty has been making me dizzy since her role in From Dusk Till Dawn and that was like a hundred years ago at least. When she's not allowing billionaires to pull out so she can get knocked up and get paid, she's working red carpets, and working them well. Between her and Sofia Vergara's breasts, it's all I can do to not flip a coin right now and call Delta Airlines.Heads-->Bogota, ColumbiaTails---> Mexico City, Mex...

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This means almost nothing...

Various sources are reporting, especially with this picture, that Jessica Simpson is preggers. That's just what we need, another 4'11" chubby addition to the creepy, incredibly stupid Simpson clan. I have my doubts though, even with this picture. The way this chick's weight fluctuates as she competitively eats, this could be just her leaving a light lunch at Chateau Marmo...

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Solicitation in the pumpkin patch.

DD implants, for Courtney Stodden are like hooker training wheels. Being this trashy by the tender age of 17 is an amazing feat. Trying to convince me that this wax looking augmented tramp is 17, is even more amazing. As bat shit crazy as this chick is, imagine how twisted her parents are to either agree to let their daughter dress like this, act like this, and marry the creepy A-Hole from the Green Mile, or agree to conjure up this ridiculous...

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Lindsay Lohan is a natural beauty.

It's funny, but during times of economic expansion, zombie movies boom while conversely, in times of economic peril, world or government unrest and conflict vampire movies have a resurgence. This isn't my theory, this is factual. I think Lindsay is lost in meth land somewhere between the two because she's pale enough to be a vampire, yet scary enough to be a zombie. Irrespective of how hot this chick once was, she's one more stupid judge letting...

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The good news is, she may have given up alcohol, pot, X, heroin, Rx Pills, LSD, shrooms, and last but not least cocaine...for chipped, discolored, meth pebble-teeth.

Having sexy with the Lindsay Lohan would be like having sex with a walking Intervention episode, if it had AIDS.  Even in Hollyweird, where epic meltdowns and drug addiction are like buying Tic Tacs, this seems worst than most.  She's aging faster than the speed of sound, and the thing, well the two things that made her great, seem very depressed.  Damn, this chick is a wreck.  She's like our generation's version of that...

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Florida strikes again...no shocker here.

FORT LAUDERDALE — A Coconut Creek man accused of posing as a doctor and offering free door-to-door breast exams has reached a deal with prosecutors, lawyers told a Broward judge on Tuesday.Phillip Winikoff, 81, was accused in April 2006 of carrying on the ruse with women at an apartment complex in the 3200 block of Northwest 40 Street in Lauderdale Lakes. Investigators said two women took Winikoff up on the offer, allowed him into their apartments...

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NBA should stand for Nothing to Bitch About.

Giving thought to the NBA lockout is like giving thought to Canada or Soccer.  Who cares?  The problem I have with this is the same problem I had with the baseball strike of the 94-95 season.  Baseball was struggling before, and even more after the work stoppage.  It wasn't until Bud Selig sold his soul to BALCO and watched with a evil grin as Sosa, McGuire, and Bonds destroyed not only the home run record, but the integrity of...

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Beyonce is pregnant with Gumby...apparently.

I couldn't care two shits about Beyonce's baby, but since I loathe her existence, I feel compelled to expose her narcissism and ridiculousness. Beyonce and Jay-Z annouced a few months ago they were having a baby that Beyonce was secretly hoping wouldn't look like her husband. Since then, she's utilized every opportunity to be photographed with a unnaturally fast-growing belly. Unless she's carrying an amoeba, she ain't preggers. Unless you're...

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Clooney, you should stick with soaps, ER and c list girlfriends.

If you don't value the precious seconds of your life, I've got a strong suggestion for you. Instead of building a lasting memory with something or someone meaningful, you could pay 12.00 to see one of the most pretentious P.O.S. ever made: Ides of March. This movie is the epitome of how out of touch and narcissistic Hollywood elitists are when they articulate their vision of things they have no idea about, namely political landscapes. You see,...

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"Out Out Brief Candle...."

"Great men are meteors that burn so that the earth may be lighted." Napoleon Bonaparte Not unlike Macbeth, Jobs realized the precious brevity of life.  Jobs knew his genius would burn too brightly to illiuminate this world forever.  It was this ability to see what those did not that nurtured one of the greatest minds our world has ever known.  For 30 years Jobs has been making his competitors "Think" for rapidly, more acutely,...

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Hello, hello, hello, how low?

As if I didn't feel old as hell already, I found this on the internet last week. This dude, 20 years ago, was the naked baby on the cover of Smells like Teen Spirit album, Nevermind. Nevermind was Nirvana's second album, but almost single handedly responsible for bringing grunge to the mainstream. Since its release date on September 24, 1991, Nevermind has been labeled diamond 3X's (30 million sold worldwide). In a related story, everyone...

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When bad things happen to rural people.

It's not that people pick on the south, or more specifically, Alabama, unjustly. These poor people ask for everything they get. It seems that the National Championship Trophy was on display at a local Wal-Mart somewhere in Alabama for all the rednecks to see. Well this brought out some doozies. You see, the rednecks couldn't just pose and smile, they had to further humiliate themselves with ridiculous poses to go along with their ridiculous teeth,...

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Why Cheryl Cole was fired from X Factor is beyond me.

Simon Cowell's baby, The X Factor, started very strong. Mind you, this was primarily because British smokeshow, Cheryl Cole, was a judge. I'll agree listening to her mumble words of the Queen's English in one of the most unidentifiable and rural British accents, was anything but sexy...and this is coming from a guy that loves almost any accent. Unless, of course, you found those people in the bottom of the Titanic dancing with Rose and Jack...

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For those of you that don't live in your mom's basement, or operate unsuccessful blogs like mine, you probably have never heard of Daisy Lowe. If her face looks familiar, I still would bet you didn't know she is Gavin Rossdale's love child from some smoking hot chick about 19 years ago. Well now, lucky for us, Daisy is a model and she likes to be at least partially clothed. I included this video that I dare you to only watch one time. In fact,...

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