Possible HIV carrier, self proclaimed badass, Jesse James is a moron. His mistress, Michelle "Bombshell" McGee, is a 30 cent slut. Like most tramps with daddy issues (I'm just accurately guessing), she makes smart decisions like all constantly and stuff. For Instance, the above Nazi uniform and knife on the tongue goes over real well with survivors of the Holocaust. Seriously, how stupid can you possibly be to think this will be perceived as sexy? She's so amazingly classy and beautiful, her feelings of genetic superiority don't end there. Tattooed on the back of her left and right leg are two letters: W and P, which the press reported stood for "White Power". That seemed logical to everyone (see above). My barometer for low IQ's, racists and horrific decision makers usually start with facial tattoos. Nazi uniforms and white power affiliations are a close second. In a surprise turn of events though, she released a statement to InTouch Magazine, which she said the tats don't represent "White Power"; instead, the letters represent, "Wet P_ _ _ y". She's so stupid, she thinks that's an improvement. Actually, I guess it's a small improvement, but thats just semantics. Somewhere, either serving time, living under some bridge, rummaging in some trash can, or recovering in some rehab facility, is this chick's father. And right now, if he weren't busy talking to himself, yelling at passing cars, or holding up a, "Vietnam Vet Need Help" cardboard sign, or most likely, six feet under, my bet is he would be OD'ing on Oxycontin while playing russian roulette with a full chamber after this week's news regarding his precious little angel. Poor Sandy. She should've known that marrying a poser on a Chopper would be disastrous. I would bet money, Jesse's real name was probably something like Leslie or Kelly, and in high school, he was fat and dorky. Creating an alternative identity, like drag queens do, is probably what helped him through those tough memories of being stuffed into lockers and being the recipient of atomic wedgies. I really couldn't be less intimidated by Jesse "Vanilla Gorilla" James. If you put a doofus on Chopper, you've still got a doofus. If you put a doofus on the Nazi skank above, you've got AIDS.
Sandy, aside from Speed 2: Cruise Control, and I've forgiven you for that, you're America's Sweetheart. You'll land on your feet and America will love you tomorrow just like yesterday. Just don't pick dudes that had failed marriages with coked up porn stars (Janine Lindemulder). I mean, all you have to do is keep them on drugs and have sex. To the lay person (get it, lay), that doesn't seem like a difficult algorithm. So following basic logic, if that fails, being married to a Oscar collecting woman worth like a gazillion dollars, while you fix motorcycles, is gonna be catastrophic. In all seriousness, Sandra Bullock has a reputation in Hollywood of being one of the most benevolent and most sincere leading ladies. You can almost look at her and see how that could be true. So in a nutshell (get it, nutshell), I hope Jesse James suffers from tertiary syphilis and penile impetigo after banging that dumb skank.
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