Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break - Shakespeare

One of the saddest days of my not-so-young life came today when Heidi Klum announced that she and Victoria's Secret were parting ways. For 13 years Heidi has been the catalyst for my immature, insensitive, demeaning and objectifying sense of humor regarding supermodels. Inspiration, I feel, only comes around like this once in a lifetime. Heidi has not only selflessly given to me and Mr Down South, but scores of innocent and thirsty others, hope...

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History of Rap...Fallon, bless his heart, should've called in sick.

I've used this forum to reveal my mancrush for Timberlake many times, but damn this dude is cool. Yeah, I know he's kind of a nerd, but he could have get more ass than a truck stop toilet seat. If any dude says they wouldn't love to hang out with this dude and crush beers on a Friday night, they're lying like hell. Aside from Cameron Diaz, JT kills hot chicks. He's my idle. What? Why are you looking at me like that? So what if I'm cutting out his old pictures from Teen Beat. Doesn't everyo...

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Sexual Predator. Allegedly.

Eddie Long, illegal steroid user/Mr T impersonator/facebook self pic master/pedophile/homophobe/Bentley owner/pastor of the New Birth church in Atlanta, has landed himself in an underage homosexual sex scandal. The mega church which had about 300 members when he took the helm in 1987, has grown to nearly 25,000. Since that time though, Long's lifestyle has significantly ameliorated. So much so, he now pimps a private jet, a monster house, and...

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Awww...did the boogie man come in your room wittle boy?

Am I the only person that finds this picture incredibly creepy? I swear it looks like a little boy sleeping in his Transformers Tent Bed being kissed goodnight by his mother. Good for her, but Ashton, come on bro. She lost her virginity to like Rob Lowe in 1983 while the theme to Chariots of Fire was playing. You were 5. I guess it's none of my business what you do, but please stop your Twitter pics because I'm a little freaked o...

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Wait, God, wh...what?

Fame whore, Father(?), professional media chaser, Michael Lohan, jumped at the opportunity to comment on his daughter's most recent arrest and imprisonment:"As you know, thank God, Lindsay was released from jail tonight. However, what what most don't know is that her release wasn't due to the efforts of any one person. She was released because that's what God wanted. That's really funny because when I look at the pics above, God must really want...

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Steve, subtly is not your thing.

Funny Divorce Lawyer Ad - Watch more Funny VideosWhen you're ready to rid yourself of that vermin you call a spouse, call me. Really? Can life on earth get lower than attorneys? That's rhetorical, of course it can...

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Mr President, that town hall didn't go as planned, huh?

CNBC sponsored a town hall meeting for President Obama today and despite hand picking so-called supporters, he didn't get the softballs he had hoped. The focus of the Town Hall meeting was job creation and the ongoing tennis match of sorts surrounding the expiration and possible extension of Bush Tax Cuts. If supporters, picked by this administration, are "exhausted by constantly defending this administration's actions," how does one think other,...

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I see a FUPA.

I couldn't decide which story to blog about Jessica Simpson, so I decided to do both because this is simply too good to pass up. The National Enquirer reports:The Dukes of Hazzard stunner (19 years ago) is so thrilled over the prospect of becoming a mom, she’s started “eating for two,” say insiders.“It looks like Jessica’s dream of having a baby is finally coming true,” a close friend told The ENQUIRER.“She’s crazy in love with Eric – so they’ve...

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R-E-S-P-E-C-T

I hope you don't read this and think I'm saying that someone can't be famous if they don't look good in Daisy Dukes because that's exactly what I'm saying. These pictures are from Jessica Simpson arriving at the finale of Project Runway as a guest judge. Yes, I said, Jessica Simpson is a guest judge on a fashion design show. Having Chestica as a guest judge for fashion is like having Jennifer Anniston, or, well, Jessica Simpson, lead a forum on...

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Huh? Wtf is this?

Am I the only one that is left head scratching after watching this trailer. Something tells me if the production company does test markets around the country for this movie, they're gonna be pushing the release date back at least a baker's dozen times until they finally release it against Piranha 2: Naked Bitches in the Amazon 3D...and they still might come in second place. I couldn't think of a movie I'd rather watch less than this and I've seen The God's Must Be Crazy 1 and 2, Karate Kid 3, and Rocky 5. Gwyneth is just not believable. If...

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Well hello muffin...

Keri Russell is one of those female enigmas of Hollywood. She's always had a striking natural beauty, except for that season where she cut her hair off and it started to resemble an afro. Aside from that season, she's been great. A few years ago, I thought for sure she was breaking out when she played a small part in Mission: Impossible 3. After that, she played the lead in a great indie film, Waitress, and then as Adam Sandler girlfriend in...

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I must've missed something...

Last night I decided to be the only person out of college to watch portions of the MTV Video Music Awards. Nothing, however, can bring back the four minutes Taylor Swift stole from me. I know she was trying to be all "grown up" and create something dramatic surrounding her whole Kanye quarrel, but it failed miserably. Nothing about it worked. Her hair would've worked had Mae West been in the audience, but she wasn't, since she was a star 80 years ago. The song was horrific. I love country music. I even like her music, but that song was shit....

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For those that don't know Scotty...

For those of you that either engross themselves in college football while ignoring the NFL, or those that simply don't know about NFL Red Zone, meet Scott Hanson. You see, Scott Hanson represents everything men love about TV, remote controls, sports and most of all intensity. Scott Hanson is the Ray Lewis of sports broadcasting. The Red Zone's "claim to fame" is they start covering a team once they're in the red zone and subsequently, never missing...

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Tom Brady has jumped the shark

Come on Thomas. You've got to get a better look than this. I don't care if your wife is a supermodel. Nothing on Earth gives you an excuse to have this haircut. I know he's a great QB, but I gotta tell, every year he looks douchier and douchi...

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What the hell is this?

The mystery is solved. Christina Hendricks is the Chupacabra. This is precisely how I know Hollywood is complete and total bullshit. There's about a handful of truly talented and/or beautiful people left in the world of celebrity. Seriously. This girl is a total mess. I know it's a bad picture, but still. I could live with a pack of wolves for a decade, get pulled out of my den, and I could muster a better look than this. There's so much...

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Those crazy Europeans.

This is the main reason I like soccer. Well, the reasons are three fold: 1, my nephew plays and he's awesome. 2, Crazy Englishmen play and they don't care about many things, but soccer happens to be one. 3, They entertain and come up with nonsense like this. Typically soccer, especially in young kids, is a sport for wimpy kids whose parents won't let them play other sports, but this, this I love....

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Shelley takes page out of OJ's book...

In August 2008, actor Shelley Malil (best known as Haziz in The 40-Year Old Virgin), was arrested in Oceanside, California while getting off a train and charged with premeditated attempted murder, assault with a deadly weapon and residential burglary after his estranged girlfriend was stabbed 20 times and left critically injured. If convicted, he could serve 21 years in prison. People reports: The 40-Year-Old Virgin actor Shelley Malil testified...

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Guess which one works for George Lucas...

This is the most useless human being on the planet. I rather be forced into a cage with a rabid mountain lion and rape it than be in the the same room with this troll. The fact that she earns money for a television show makes me question the future of human kind. If I were from the shore, I might self immolate. Honestly, I'd rather be from Detroit than be from any town that could reproduce a hydrid human troll Ewok like this o...

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Really, Mike?

Back in the day, Mike Tyson and Tupac Shakur were good friends, but there was one thing they never did together."He always wanted me to smoke weed with him, and I never did it, and I wish I did," Tyson told AP in a phone interview. "That's my biggest regret."Yeah, Mike. I agree...definitely, without a doubt, your biggest regret should be not smoking weed with Tupac. I honest to God cannot muster words to add to this luna...

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I hate myself for this...

This entry could not be less about this dumb bimbo. In fact, I would rather be the ghost writer for Adolf Hitler's Best Jokes than write one word about this chick. So forget the first two sentences. If you're a girl and you're looking for something sexy for next summer to make your man thirsty for you, buy this swimwear. Seriously, this suit even makes Heidi interesting. If you go to beachbunnyswimwear.com you can be the owner of this supremely...

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Bang. Ouch.

Tuesday afternoon, someone decided that my 4-door Jeep Wrangler was too tired of driving around Atlanta and decided to total it by a simple failure to yield the right of way. It's scary and alarming how quickly one's life can change. Obviously, my Jeep did not end up in a swimming pool, but after two hours of clean up, 1 Trauma helicopter, and a 2,000 car traffic jam, it did end up with a hood buckled like a teepee and an airbag that burns like...

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The Evolution of Jessica Simpson...FYI...it ain't good.

I swear to pork chicken carbs twinkies deep fried snickers funnel cakes frappuccinos bacon milkshakes ah you get the picture. I didn't know who this was. Seriously. I'm still not convinced. It looks like a cartoon where they stick the air pump in their mouth and as they blow them up, they begin to fly away. If I didn't know better, I would bet this was James Cameron's sketching in preparation for Avatar 2: When obesity kills. Unlike John Mayer,...

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My love is as a fever, longing still for that which longer nurseth the disease

Starting Friday September 17, Blake Lively will light the silver screen on fire in The Town, starring Ben Affleck, She plays a stripper, he plays a bank robber. The movie looks fantastic. The screenplay is written by the same writer that wrote The Departed and this, too, will be set in Beantown. This is my MUST SEE of the fall. Until then though, I'll leave you with these inspiring pics of my girlfriend. Dear Blake, I wanted to leave you a...

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