Diora Baird is .0002% from Perfect

When I look at Diora Baird, first of all, I can't look away. She's so hot it gives me chest pains. Hotness like this in Hollywood confuses the hell out of me. There's absolutely no reason she's not every movie made with hot chicks. Can you imagine how bad of an actor you must be to be this hot, yet you're only known as the GUESS GIRL, or the girl that falls naked on the bed in Wedding Crashers with 2 seconds of screen time? In Hollywood, where...

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Olivia Wilde puts on a model clinic...

If you're a guy and you're chasing a girl with facial features this perfect, your bank account better be very very large with a helluva lot if 0's; otherwise, like Jackson Browne's "Rosie", you're gonna be going home with someone very familiar tonight. You see, Olivia Wilde is married to some Italian prince. So unless you have a crown in your family line, you lose. It's kind of obvious though. Look at this chick. If I had a one night stand with...

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Thank you Kiev, Ukraine

Forgetting Sarah Marshall is proving to be impossible when Mila Kunis keeps doing photo shoots like this. Honest to God, I can't say enough about how happy I am that the communism collapse caused an exodus of smoking hot Eastern Europeans to the United States in search of fame and fortune; although sadly, or not, most of them end up in Van Nuys starring in films like Chitty Chitty Gang Bang. Regardless, we have to thank Reagan for girls like Mila...

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This sux

A city hospital nearly destroyed a New Jersey woman's life and wrecked her marriage after misdiagnosing her with terminal HIV, hepatitis and herpes, according to a bombshell lawsuit. Maria Osorio, 54, of Passaic, said she saw an ad on TV offering a $15 mammogram at Harlem Hospital over Valentine's Day last February and decided to take advantage of the screening. When a nurse offered her a free instant cheek swab and blood test, too, she accepted....

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If you're having girl problems I feel bad for you son...

Amidst all of the adversity Tiger Woods has faced over the past several weeks, some clever computer dork encapsulated all of his problems in one simple JPEG and then cleverly compared them to Jay-Z. As you can see, his problems are quite different.*If you don't understand this, I don't have the time to explain it to your white a...

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Just one night 6 seconds is all i ask...

It's been a while since I've written about all of the midevil torturing devices I would subject my penis to in order to spend one night with some random hot model, but here goes. Alassandra Ambrosio is so perfect I can't look directly at her in pictures. In fact, I had to hold the computer up to the mirror and look at her through a reflection because I kept having seizures and soiling myself. It's with almost certainty I say, she's Aphrodite....

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If you've ever wondered why you like blondes with big breasts...look no further

In a book I read recently, Why Beautiful People Have More Daughters, I've come to understand more about being a human man than ever before. Several of the chapters are mind blowing, but one in particular reached out to me. Women's Attractiveness and Why Men Prefer Barbies (Long Blonde Hair, Big Breasts)One accurate indicator of health is physical attractiveness, and this is the reason why men like beautiful women. Another good indicator of health...

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Oh! Snatched Away In Beauty's Bloom

Last week, Sherlock Holmes premiered and Blake Lively owned the red carpet. It's so smart to show up at movies you're not in and look better than everyone. You might be tired of these posts, but trust me on this one, I'm not. I could write for days on this chick. If Lord Byron didn't love touching dudes, I bet he would've written She Walks in Beauty about Blake. She walks in beauty, like the nightOf cloudless climes and starry skies;And all...

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James Cameron metaphorically hates America

Today, while wearing dorky 3-D glasses, I watched three hours of the best CGI animation ever created. Aside from that though, there's not too much to report about Avatar. The plot essentially parallels James Cameron's contempt for America's foreign policy. The audience is coerced into cheering for the demise and destruction of US troops as they're portrayed as attacking innocent indigenous people. This movie will set records, but only because it's uniquely delivered. The screenplay is anything but, while character development is weak. If...

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Brittany Murphy is Dead

The New York Daily News reports,She went into full cardiac arrest early Sunday and could not be revived.The Los Angeles City Fire Department got a call from the home of Murphy’s husband Simon Monjack about 8 a.m.She was taken to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center, where she was pronounced dead on arrival.If anyone has seen this chicks erratic behavior, you understand how something like this could happen. I know that I'll be 32 in 10 days and I don't see...

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At 41 Years, HGH and Juice does this, not swimming laps.

Yesterday, just when you thought Tiger's seemingly horrific last few weeks couldn't get any worse, the New York Times reported that a sports medicine doctor linked to Tiger Woods, Olympic freak Dana Torres, and Anthony Galea, is under investigation by the Federal Bureau of Investigation for allegedly distributing human growth hormone and the drug Actovegin to professional athletes. Torres said that Dr. Galea's work was limited to draining fluid from...

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Jason Mraz is awesome.

If you were like me as a child, you often imitated other languages, albeit most of the time offensively and involving pots and pans being thrown down the stairs jokes. Conversely though, I always wondered how little kids from Asia would imitate and joke about English...well now I kn...

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Sticks like this should be ticketed

As I said last week, Blake Lively hosted SNL Saturday night, and just as I suspected, she blew my socks off. This chick is the most naturally beautiful girl in Hollywood. I bet when she wakes up, she looks even better. Her legs alone are enough to make me ignore my restraining order. I can't help but get a closer smell look because I can't see anything from 200 yards. I guess the judge didn't find me dressed as a topiary on her front porch as "funny" as I did. People of power can never take a joke. Anyway...Blake Lively, like me, makes being...

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Melanie Nunes Bostain

December 3, 2009, to borrow FDR's words minus a few days, a day that will live in emphamy. I get this text yesterday from my dear friend unsuspecting 23-26 year old single girl assassin, one Christopher Bostain: Please Google. I would cash it all in immediately im not kidding Melanie Nunes FronckowiakSo, of course, I google her. She's the recent winner of the World's Best Bottom contest. She's a 20 year old Brazilian...

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Screw you Chris Matthews

Did I really just hear Chris Matthews call West Point the Enemy Camp? Holy smokes, I knew MSNBC was wildly liberal, but I didn't know they were radical and anti-American. To call one of our nation's most prestigious and revered Service academies the "enemy camp" is not only reprehensible, but idotic. Since Matthews' coddled, insignicant existence began, West Point has turned out:3 Medal of Honor Winners13 Astronauts5 Men of served as Chairman...

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My computer just caught fire.

I know eastern Europe is perhaps the Mecca of the sex slave trade. I don't know much else about eastern Europe, but I watch a lot of movies and if every girl looks like this, I'm moving to Kiev, Ukraine. Honestly, I would milk a goat every morning before I walked in a blizzard to the factory where I worked my 18 hour shift under horrible conditions, walk home in the dark and freezing cold to open up the door to my one room shack with rats just...

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1 smoothie/day without burning it off will net your ass 13 lbs of fat for the year

I recorded Vicky's Secretive Fashion Show last night. I just didn't have the energy to focus on women that insanely hot. I thought it might induce a seizure so I went to bed. It reminded me of something though. Yesterday, I heard a woman call in on the radio and say that her husband would not be watching the fashion show because it was wrong. I'm gonna tell you why it's wrong to her. She's fat. She's insecure. She needs to excercise to feel...

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If you're trying to win me back, it's not gonna work.

Many of you don't know this girl. I do because she's British, and I have this soft place in my heart loins for british women. Other than one of the hottest bodies you will ever see...ever...there's nothing she has to offer. So little in fact, she was engaged to marry Billy Zane. Billy Zane, really? Billy Zane may have survived the Titanic sinking, but his career surely didn't. How he scored this chick is more confusing than Stephen Hawkins'...

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Most romantic man ever...

(Reuters) - A Vietnamese man dug up his wife's corpse and slept beside it for five years because he wanted to hug her in bed, an online newspaper reported on Thursday.The 55-year-old man from a small town in the central province of Quang Nam opened up his wife's grave in 2004, molded clay around the remains to give the figure of a woman, put clothes on her and then placed her in his bed, Vietnamnet.vn said.The man, Le Van, told the website that after...

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